View Full Version : What is your opinion on people who desert children?
hi just wandering on what peoples opinions are on parents that dont do enough for their children
Can I just say, what an odd question. I always make mine trifle! And they're allowed as much as they want ;)
Malteser Monkey
07-10-2011, 11:05
or on children that don't do enough for their parents
and what is enough ? hmmmmm:dontknow:
cainaries
07-10-2011, 11:48
Can I just say, what an odd question. I always make mine trifle! And they're allowed as much as they want ;)
Once a mod comes along and corrects the typo, your post is going to look very strange. Confess it made me smile, too, lots of ice-cream and hot chocolate sauce with whipped cream ...
I was in a shop earlier in the week just as the children of the owners arrived back from school. The boy, aged about 9, was screaming abuse at his father and trying to kick him and demanding a sandwich whilst the man was trying to serve me. Slight embarrassment from the father but no discipline at all. So children not abandoned but over-indulged, just about as bad as neither turn out to be happy adults.
Malteser Monkey
07-10-2011, 11:52
Once a mod comes along and corrects the typo, your post is going to look very strange. Confess it made me smile, too, lots of ice-cream and hot chocolate sauce with whipped cream ...
I was in a shop earlier in the week just as the children of the owners arrived back from school. The boy, aged about 9, was screaming abuse at his father and trying to kick him and demanding a sandwich whilst the man was trying to serve me. Slight embarrassment from the father but no discipline at all. So children not abandoned but over-indulged, just about as bad as neither turn out to be happy adults.
:respect:
that's all it takes
Once a mod comes along and corrects the typo, your post is going to look very strange. Confess it made me smile, too, lots of ice-cream and hot chocolate sauce with whipped cream ...
I was in a shop earlier in the week just as the children of the owners arrived back from school. The boy, aged about 9, was screaming abuse at his father and trying to kick him and demanding a sandwich whilst the man was trying to serve me. Slight embarrassment from the father but no discipline at all. So children not abandoned but over-indulged, just about as bad as neither turn out to be happy adults.
I can handle strange, just as those who know me on here will agree. ;)
As for the kids, well he'd have got a swift one across the back of his legs and a one way trip to his bed room with no supper!!!!
Sadly these days, only a one way ticket to his bed room!
blue marlin
07-10-2011, 12:34
think from lynne67 earlier post asking about a divorce she is worried about her children suffering
bonitatime
07-10-2011, 13:11
Not sure exactly what you are asking.
Going to reply to what I guess. There are a lot of children on the island who are semi-abandonded. Their parents work long hours or go out and the children end up hanging around getting up to no good. This is hard to combat and although there are groups like the youth club in Callao Salvaje not enough is done to keep these youths off the streets.
I was in a shop earlier in the week just as the children of the owners arrived back from school. The boy, aged about 9, was screaming abuse at his father and trying to kick him and demanding a sandwich whilst the man was trying to serve me. Slight embarrassment from the father but no discipline at all. So children not abandoned but over-indulged, just about as bad as neither turn out to be happy adults.
You weren't in Playa Fañabe were you as the boy in the patisserie next to us is a horror.
lozzie1821
07-10-2011, 19:01
Well i dont think highly of people who desert their children - they are not toys for people to have and play with and love when they have time or when they can be bothered....
As a single mum of 2 i have my rough times but i would never desert my kids when times where hard like SOME parents do... My kids are my life and i do my upmost to make sure they never go without i dont understand the mentality of people who do the opposite.
I see some parents in the pub (grown adults in 30s/40s) where i live near enough every night of the week and their children not even teens walking round with friends bored and hanging round the bar waiting for their parent/s to decide its time to go.... I remember hearing the mother tell her children there was food in the fridge to eat and she would see them in half hour at home. To me thats absurd - she should have been at home with her kids COOKING their dinner not expecting them to do it...
Those parents who work and have nannies??? im on the fence on that 1 whether its called deserting them... why decide to have a child if your going to pay someone else to raise your child so you can work and never be at home... would this be classed as deserting them? in a way it is but i can see the financial benefits from it BUT is it right for the nanny to know more about the child tha the actual parents??
Those parents who just put their kids into care coz they cant be bothered and desert them like that shouldnt be allowed to keep crreating life after life if they cant look after the ones they give up on.....
I think about the same thoughts as I have over Kids who grow up and abandon THEIR Parents..
..
Not a Lot
lozzie1821
07-10-2011, 19:29
I think about the same thoughts as I have over Kids who grow up and abandon THEIR Parents..
..
Not a Lot
Sometimes parents put themselves in positions that they deserve to be abandoned by their kids and have no one to blame but themselves...
It's hard when a parent feels the need to abondon children. Essentially it's about the relationship between the two parents (usually). One maybe has to give for the sake of the child. It's not necessarily that they cease to love the child, but more the relationship between parents makes it impossible to be a a good dad/mum. Don't be too quick to judge.
Margaretta
07-10-2011, 21:33
The stability of the child and their circumstances is very important. Children need love and reassurance from one or two parents and their family and friends. They also need honesty....they can understand many things in their own way, attention span is shorter than ours and they can move on, enjoying the 'now' and 'future', if allowed, and not moping about the past. As just said, they need sensitive honesty because later, as teenagers, when they 'know everything' they are often more lastingly hurt and less likely to forgive if they think they they have been deceived and excluded. Mental peace is of primary importance to children and this is often difficult for parents to achieve during the difficult period of divorce or disharmony.
Sometimes 'desertion' gives mental peace but letting the child know how and when they will see the absent parent, if at all, is very important for a child to know, so they don't keep distressing themselves with vain hopes.
A little prayer for all children who feel deserted.
Angusjim
08-10-2011, 08:00
Sometimes parents put themselves in positions that they deserve to be abandoned by their kids and have no one to blame but themselves...
And vice versa !!
lozzie1821
08-10-2011, 13:02
And vice versa !!
Ofcourse.
My comment was to something someone else had said about the topic.
Saying that - parents are meant to love, protect, cherish, care, help & bring up a child to the best of their abilities regardless of any wrong doings they grow up to make, being a parent is about advising them/encouraging them through the right ways of life - if they dont it does not mean parents should give up on hem/wash their hands of them...
Regardless of what my children do i dont care how dangerous/wrong it may turn out me be ill be there to help them get through it not abandon them when theyll need me the most...
Angusjim
08-10-2011, 13:55
Ofcourse.
My comment was to something someone else had said about the topic.
Saying that - parents are meant to love, protect, cherish, care, help & bring up a child to the best of their abilities regardless of any wrong doings they grow up to make, being a parent is about advising them/encouraging them through the right ways of life - if they dont it does not mean parents should give up on hem/wash their hands of them...
Regardless of what my children do i dont care how dangerous/wrong it may turn out me be ill be there to help them get through it not abandon them when theyll need me the most...
Your thoughts are very commendable and in the main very true but when your KIDS reach a certain age they have to be responsible for their OWN actions. I know many stories about family and friends that have had massive massive problems with their kids. For example what would you do if you had 3 kids two were just you normal type teenagers then there was one who was around 20 was into taking / selling drugs, stealing from you, local businesses and houses/ treating you and the family with no respect at all /in and out of court almost every month / couple of times in jail. You spend 7days aweek for 3 years of trying to help them to only get everything thrown back at you during this time you are spending so much time with them that you are basically ignoring your other kids. Well what they did is basically disown him as they had other kids to think of, so its not as easy as you think, you are going thru the easy time at the moment ( although you may not think so ) in my opinion the potential problems only increase as they get older
lozzie1821
08-10-2011, 14:12
Your thoughts are very commendable and in the main very true but when your KIDS reach a certain age they have to be responsible for their OWN actions. I know many stories about family and friends that have had massive massive problems with their kids. For example what would you do if you had 3 kids two were just you normal type teenagers then there was one who was around 20 was into taking / selling drugs, stealing from you, local businesses and houses/ treating you and the family with no respect at all /in and out of court almost every month / couple of times in jail. You spend 7days aweek for 3 years of trying to help them to only get everything thrown back at you during this time you are spending so much time with them that you are basically ignoring your other kids. Well what they did is basically disown him as they had other kids to think of, so its not as easy as you think, you are going thru the easy time at the moment ( although you may not think so ) in my opinion the potential problems only increase as they get older
Well i would like to think that by the time my kids are late teens/early 20s they will know right from wrong and know not to steal, disrespect people etc..
I have no problem in admitting my faults and during my mid teens i mixed with the wrong crowd, i took exstacy on a daily basis but not once did i steal from them or others because i knew better....
For me growing up to see the look of disappointment in my dads eyes was punishment enough for me...
things i was brought up:
Manners maketh man
Treat those the way you yourself with to be treated
Respect for elders
Honesty
the sun wont shine out of my kids bottoms and id be a fool to think that was the case BUT i will stand by my kids no matter what they do whether it be their fault or not because im their mum & well being a single parent im all they have..
1 thing they will grow up to know is I brought them into this world & i will take them out...
(hopefully this will scare them enough to never to purposely do wrongful acts)
Margaretta
08-10-2011, 17:05
Most parents are instinctively good but there are those who have so many hang-ups from their own lives, pre-conceived notions of how to bring up children (for the first time I saw a bit of the Jeremy Kyle Show this week and there was a Dad who needed his whole brain changed as he could never see beyond beating and swearing at his children to get his way.)
It is all a matter of education and eclipsing past history of how we were brought up if the situation was unhappy. You are trained for a new job....shouldn't you be trained for bringing up children? It is the most difficult thing in the world and whereas hard and fast rules may give security, there are times when you should be giving them options and some freedom in the hopes that they will follow your good example and enjoy learning about life through independence. The people here care enough to join in this thread and it's those who have the wrong attitude who cause harm. Sometimes one parent leaving the child is the best thing as said before: to give the child mental peace, personal safety and security. One reliable parent is surely better than two disparate? Every situation is different but each child needs love and security and a good example from someone.
Most parents are instinctively good but there are those who have so many hang-ups from their own lives, pre-conceived notions of how to bring up children (for the first time I saw a bit of the Jeremy Kyle Show this week and there was a Dad who needed his whole brain changed as he could never see beyond beating and swearing at his children to get his way.)
It is all a matter of education and eclipsing past history of how we were brought up if the situation was unhappy. You are trained for a new job....shouldn't you be trained for bringing up children? It is the most difficult thing in the world and whereas hard and fast rules may give security, there are times when you should be giving them options and some freedom in the hopes that they will follow your good example and enjoy learning about life through independence. The people here care enough to join in this thread and it's those who have the wrong attitude who cause harm. Sometimes one parent leaving the child is the best thing as said before: to give the child mental peace, personal safety and security. One reliable parent is surely better than two disparate? Every situation is different but each child needs love and security and a good example from someone.
Most of Us know the Responsibilities of Parents.
Most Children of Like Parents turn out well
Some children of poor/inadequate Parents turn out well too.
..
No-one can guarantee every Child loves/respects Their Father and/or Mother,
and this happens DESPITE the Parent's efforts for 20 or so Years.
Everyone quotes Children's Rights... Pity Parents dont have some too.!!
Their parents work long hours or go out and the children end up hanging around getting up to no good. This is hard to combat and although there are groups like the youth club in Callao Salvaje not enough is done to keep these youths off the streets.
As one of the organisers of Callao Kids, it's always nice to have a kind mention. Obviously, some kids have a less than ideal home life, but that is not really a major problem in terms of quantity. Here, the problem is the very nature of Tenerife. It is not an ideal place for youngsters, because it is physically small and sociologically underdeveloped. Because parents generally work and the surrounding neighbours are "foreign," and there aren't organisations like scouts and guides, roller and ice skating rinks etc. the youngsters tend to hang around on street corners or scream up and down the roads on skateboards. Actually, many youngsters do that in the UK, but that is often because they can't be bothered to do anything that requires more effort!
We spoke to local youngsters a couple of years ago and asked them for their wants list which led us to start the club. This weekend, following a couple of pool sessions with our local dive centre, Paradise Divers, we took a group for their first ever scuba dive in the sea where they were able to interact with the turtles. We have also had trips to Loro Parque, beach trips with snorkelling and tenpin bowling. We have been given a local in the village on very generous terms where we have table tennis and other games and where, believe it or not, some come and do their homework.
We raise money with functions, table sales, raffles etc and local and other organisations in the South have generously helped us in such a way that for most activities (including the diving this weekend) we have not had to ask the youngsters or their families for financial contributions.
Compared with the UK there is a lack of facilities here for the kids, but Tenerife's very nature is responsible, and generally not uncaring parents. We are open at the moment only to kids in the village, but if anyone is interested in starting a similar club elsewhere in the South feel free to contact me and I will give you some ideas.
cainaries
10-10-2011, 10:55
Not sure exactly what you are asking.
Going to reply to what I guess. There are a lot of children on the island who are semi-abandonded. Their parents work long hours or go out and the children end up hanging around getting up to no good. This is hard to combat and although there are groups like the youth club in Callao Salvaje not enough is done to keep these youths off the streets.
You weren't in Playa Fañabe were you as the boy in the patisserie next to us is a horror.
Hi, no I was in a car spares shop trying to buy replacement windscreen wipers (which is a whole different story ...). There were two extremely badly behaved children. The boy was riding his bike round in the shop and the girl was playing very loud music on her phone ... very distracting for a stupid foreigner trying to explain car make, year, etc. in Spanish to a man who was having 3 conversations at once.
Malteser Monkey
10-10-2011, 10:58
Hi, no I was in a car spares shop trying to buy replacement windscreen wipers (which is a whole different story ...). There were two extremely badly behaved children. The boy was riding his bike round in the shop and the girl was playing very loud music on her phone ... very distracting for a stupid foreigner trying to explain car make, year, etc. in Spanish to a man who was having 3 conversations at once.
Woooo mujer !
Easy on yourself there :cheeky:
Good morning C
cainaries
10-10-2011, 11:13
Woooo mujer !
Easy on yourself there :cheeky:
Good morning C
Morning, MM.
This a good and thought-provoking thread so I'll move down to the Dungeon for a chat in a second.
Just wanted to add that we have a friend who is a kind, helpful, reliable and generous guy. One of those people you would turn to in a crisis. So I was very surprised to find that when he took up with his current OH he abandoned a family. They don't talk about it and the information only came out by accident. There must be two sides to that story but we've never heard either one of them. It must be the case that sometimes the 'bad' parent gets to keep the kids. In fact I know of another example of the 'bad' mother keeping the kids and denying access to her husband on flimsy pretexts to the point that the man attempted suicide. Happily he is in a very loving new relationship now.
londonjimmy
10-10-2011, 15:24
Lozzie - "Those parents who work and have nannies im on the fence on that 1 whether its called deserting them... why decide to have a child if your going to pay someone else to raise your child so you can work and never be at home... would this be classed as deserting them? in a way it is but i can see the financial benefits from it BUT is it right for the nanny to know more about the child tha the actual parents??"
I beg your pardon. My missus and myself have worked every hour god has sent for the first few years of our childrens lives building our businesses with the help of our nanny, we done that to secure both our future and our childrens future. That now allows us to come to Tenerife and never have to go to a normal job ever again. My children are happy/heathy/intelligent and I can assure you our nanny does not know more about our children than us. Yeah, i'm sure there have been a few things that we have missed - but im sure they will say thank you for giving us everything in life for sacrificing some little things that you missed. It's called the bigger picture. Although I am happy for you that you were financially independent already before having children, we were taken by surprise and have moved heaven and earth.....(and hell) to now live our lives the way we want it. Also, unless YOU walk in someone elses shoes, then you really should refrain from judging.
“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.” - Paulo Coelho
sunseeker
10-10-2011, 16:01
if anyone is interested in starting a similar club elsewhere in the South feel free to contact me and I will give you some ideas.yes. very interested. pm me your ideas :)
lozzie1821
10-10-2011, 23:44
Lozzie - "Those parents who work and have nannies im on the fence on that 1 whether its called deserting them... why decide to have a child if your going to pay someone else to raise your child so you can work and never be at home... would this be classed as deserting them? in a way it is but i can see the financial benefits from it BUT is it right for the nanny to know more about the child tha the actual parents??"
I beg your pardon. My missus and myself have worked every hour god has sent for the first few years of our childrens lives building our businesses with the help of our nanny, we done that to secure both our future and our childrens future. That now allows us to come to Tenerife and never have to go to a normal job ever again. My children are happy/heathy/intelligent and I can assure you our nanny does not know more about our children than us. Yeah, i'm sure there have been a few things that we have missed - but im sure they will say thank you for giving us everything in life for sacrificing some little things that you missed. It's called the bigger picture. Although I am happy for you that you were financially independent already before having children, we were taken by surprise and have moved heaven and earth.....(and hell) to now live our lives the way we want it. Also, unless YOU walk in someone elses shoes, then you really should refrain from judging.
“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.” - Paulo Coelho
Im not saying its a bad thing that people have nannies and choose to work all the time... Thats why i said im on the fence... because i do see it from both sides... all those hours people like yourself worked obviously meant nice holidays abroad, probably a private school education (as some do get) etc this in the long run means yes you can now see the benefits from working all the hours by coming to tenerife but i also see it as with all the time some parents are working every day all day long hours.. are parents spending good quality time with the children??
Im sure you did yourselves but there are some parents out there who probably dont and thats where the child suffers..
Im far from financially stable before i had my children - yet I work my backside off to make sure i keep them fed, clothed, in nursery, new toys, days out etc but i would not and will not be paying a nanny to look after my children every day so i can work long hours and never see them. i dont want to miss the little things they do do growing up...
id hate to go to work in the morning before my kids got up and come home after the nanny had put my kids to bed.. I want to be the 1 who tucks my kids in bed and reads them a story, play with them in the bath, teach them how 2 brush their teeth etc...
To me its the little things that count..
each to their own ofcourse - beacause people choose to have nannies does not make them bad parents - far from it so dont for one second think thats what im saying.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.4 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions, Inc. All rights reserved.