View Full Version : Should you contact someone from the past?
By chance I came across a name from the past. Should you revisit, even out of curiosity?
Each set of circumstances will have Personalities and reasons why that Person is in the Past..
If Emotions are involved, be careful.
If just curious have a peep without too much involvement,
Above all, remember WHY its in the Past.
Margaretta
07-10-2011, 21:21
Balcony, can you explain a little more? Do you mean you met someone or found a name on the internet or in a dream? Sorry, not too clear and the answer really depends on circumstances. Maybe I misread???
By chance I came across a name from the past. Should you revisit, even out of curiosity?
No, is my answer: often disappointing ... someone you once thought entertaining, different, whatever can often morph into a grumpy old man/woman :)
By chance I came across a name from the past. Should you revisit, even out of curiosity?
It depends on what your "past" involves and how you intend to revisit.
I was recently contacted via Facebook by a former schoolfriend who I hadn't seen in 45 years. We have caught up by private message, but hope to meet again soon.
I would say your circumstances must dictate if this was a more personal attachment.
This goes back to the 70's when someone was studying in London and became friends. She was Armenian (Christian) and went back to living in Iran and eventually became desperate to levae, like many others. She tried to get into the UK, but that failed (nothing known against her!), but got into the US. We exchanged letters, but during a move I lost a lot of stuff, including address books (no home computers in those days) and so it ended. Looking up something for a friend, some old stories came up and her name suddenly sprang into my mind and just googled it. 2 minutes later there's an address. Is it worth exchanging after all this time? The head says no, the rest says why not!
Put quite simply, you'll never know unless you do it.
I can't see any harm. You're thousands of miles apart and you're both too old for stalking..lol..
Nowadays for some reason we don't seem to have enough time even for those closest to us. Everybody seems so busy. Just say hello again. Good luck with it. :tiphat:
If there is no one that can get hurt by you making contact, especially if romance is involved in any way then I say go for it. I have know too many people that have made contact with old flames or school mates on Friends Reunited many years after last seeing them thinking they would just be friends again and they have in fact ended up destroying families by getting romantically involved. Good Luck with whatever you decide
Margaretta
08-10-2011, 12:44
No, is my answer: often disappointing ... someone you once thought entertaining, different, whatever can often morph into a grumpy old man/woman :)
Oh dear????!!!!!:crying2::(:wink:
Angusjim
08-10-2011, 12:57
I met a women this week that I used to go out with in my early 20's and had not seen her for around 30 odd years normally I would have been happy to meet her again but I was getting sigmoidoscopy and she was my nurse for the tests she saw more of me than I would have prefered lol :bootyshake::ashamed:.
lozzie1821
08-10-2011, 13:13
Each set of circumstances will have Personalities and reasons why that Person is in the Past..
If Emotions are involved, be careful.
If just curious have a peep without too much involvement,
Above all, remember WHY its in the Past.
i totally agree with this 110% spot on!!
Following Your description of the Circumstances, may I suggest
You also give thought to the Effect on Her if YOU popped up too.!!
So difficult - and as others have said, as long as anyone you or she may be involved with understands the situation, as just a friend from the past - go for it. It's not as though you are both going to suddenly up sticks and disappear into the sunset together..................presumably!?
Andy0210
09-10-2011, 01:28
Yes, sometimes people are meant to be together but current circumstances mean they canīt be, maybe that second appearance is the chance you needed to be together in the first place that should have happened all those years ago. :)
lozzie1821
09-10-2011, 10:39
Yes, sometimes people are meant to be together but current circumstances mean they canīt be, maybe that second appearance is the chance you needed to be together in the first place that should have happened all those years ago. :)
Theres a couple here in parque who 15 years ago were engaged to be married and on the day of the wedding she didnt turn up... all that money spent lost and the guy said he was genuinely devestated... Both have since married and had children..
18months ago they found eachother on friends re united and are now happily married :)
their 2nd chance... for some people it works revisiting the past... for others not so much...
Theres a couple here in parque who 15 years ago were engaged to be married and on the day of the wedding she didnt turn up... all that money spent lost and the guy said he was genuinely devestated... Both have since married and had children..
18months ago they found eachother on friends re united and are now happily married :)
their 2nd chance... for some people it works revisiting the past... for others not so much...
...and I think I know who you are talking about. If it is the same people then he was a widower and she was divorced, which is fine, my concern would be if both parties were still in a relationship/married and this 'chance meeting' would destroy both families. Friends reunited may be finding old friends from the past but it is also causing a lot of divorces/affairs ;)
Plenty of opinions there.
Putting on My fortune Teller's Hat, I feel Your mind is made up but You need persuading.
Whatever We all say, its YOUR Decision and Yours only.
I for one would be interested if any opinion influenced You
and the Outcome if You did decide to make contact.?
lozzie1821
09-10-2011, 21:35
...and I think I know who you are talking about. If it is the same people then he was a widower and she was divorced, which is fine, my concern would be if both parties were still in a relationship/married and this 'chance meeting' would destroy both families. Friends reunited may be finding old friends from the past but it is also causing a lot of divorces/affairs ;)
you are right jackie.. its amazing the torch you can hold for your 1st love :)
You are also right in facebook/friends re united and other similar sites causing as much heart break as it does happiness...
Facebook funnily enough has been the reason for a break up or paranoia in the last 2 of my relationships..My ex who i was with for nearly 5 years and father of both children was contacted by an ex (the girl he was with for 4 years prior to me) whilst i was pregnant with my 1st to be honest i wasnt even bothered at 1st as i had an ex on mine i kept in contact with from time to time.. But this girl after a couple of weeks she started asking things like " can you imagine if we were still together now?? do you still think of me?? would we still be together if id have got on plane to tenerife?? fair enough he was honest and told me straight but i didnt think much of the girl and i phoned her and gave her a piece of my mind (and yes she had actually left him a message saying to call her if he was ever back in essex) I made him delete and block her there and then and because i threw her back at him when we argued he ended up giving me the password 2 his fb so i could check if i wanted too... never did! 2 scared to find something i wouldnt want too...
these websites can be nothing but trouble when those involved have partners..
Sundowner
09-10-2011, 22:46
Chasing the past is like playing black or red at the roulette table you have 50% chance it will work out well and 50% chance it will screw you...............IMHO look to the future...........
rosemary
10-10-2011, 15:18
Maybe a lot of this soul searhing about should you or shouldnīt you depends on whether there is something left unfinished, something that didnīt give proper closure. If there is a scenario in your mind that goes round and round without end, then maybe contact would bring that closure.
If you are simply unhappy in the present, then thatīs different. But like they say "only one life" (in this reincarnation!!:eyebrows:) and all that.
I agree with many on this, if there is a relationship worth preserving in your present life, then beware!
Interesting this question! How easy it is these days to just "click" and send! Couldnīt do that so many years ago.
Thanks everyone. As is my way I decided to contact this old friend. We have 4000 distance. Most times it just curiosity about what people are doing these days and a quick catch up is it! I'm not really one to ever actually want to 'go back'.
Well done Balcony, I'll keep an eye out for you coming out of the divorce courts...:lol:
Thought You would, as I too woulod have done.
Good Luck
Thankyou for the update. Too many dont...
Goforgold
15-10-2011, 08:30
By chance I came across a name from the past. Should you revisit, even out of curiosity?
Of course, as long as you are single!!! ;)
rosemary
15-10-2011, 09:03
Dare I ask....was the contact a big shock for him/her, was it welcomed???........just very very curious. :)
Goforgold
15-10-2011, 09:17
Well done Balcony, I'll keep an eye out for you coming out of the divorce courts...:lol:
Now, now, we're not all l like you - it could have been just on a 'friendly' basis!!! ;)
kingbaker
16-10-2011, 19:43
No such thing
Goforgold
17-10-2011, 12:01
No such thing
I have to agree there!!! :D
kingbaker
17-10-2011, 13:11
Well done Balcony, I'll keep an eye out for you coming out of the divorce courts...:lol:
Or ICU If not careful:eyebrows:
lozzie1821
18-10-2011, 00:05
After seeing this thread i became inquizative about a few people from my past and have contacted 2 out of the 3 people i looked up ( facebook is a fast worker).
slodgedad
18-10-2011, 00:16
Wish I could. My problem is, at my age, that most of them are dead and the rest are as computer literate as my dog..:pray:
After seeing this thread i became inquizative about a few people from my past and have contacted 2 out of the 3 people i looked up ( facebook is a fast worker).
Lozzie you make me laugh. Half of the people from your past are still at school..:lol: Just kidding.
People say Facebook can wreck a marriage. I disagree. It can only happen if you are that way inclined. Anyone who is prepared to cheat on their partner doesn't need any assistance from facebook.:nono:
lozzie1821
18-10-2011, 18:01
Lozzie you make me laugh. Half of the people from your past are still at school..:lol: Just kidding.
People say Facebook can wreck a marriage. I disagree. It can only happen if you are that way inclined. Anyone who is prepared to cheat on their partner doesn't need any assistance from facebook.:nono:
i agree with u 100% about facebook... its how i caught my ex out so i love facebook coz its tells you EVERYTHING haha. If a person is going to cheat they are going to cheat theres nothing you can do to stop them AND once they are caught does not mean they wont do it again coz they WILL!! Facebook/Friends reunited yes keeps you in contact with people and yes it can be totally platonic between some people BUT some people look for people with alterior motives.
and none of my mates are in school! ive never ever hung around with people younger than me give or take 1 or 2..
that was my problem growing up - i hung round with the older crowd
I still think it's kind of fun to link up with people from way back. I am always curious about what they've done with their lives, just as I expect they feel about people. One guy I was great friends with at school took his life to Canada (deeply jealous!) but is on his third marriage. We met up when he came to England and that was about it. Sad, but often the reality.
Another old friend from the days of agiprop still lived in the old neighbourhood and happy with his lot.
This latest is early days, but already exchanged letters. Note - letters!
kingbaker
19-10-2011, 00:03
I met a women this week that I used to go out with in my early 20's and had not seen her for around 30 odd years normally I would have been happy to meet her again but I was getting sigmoidoscopy and she was my nurse for the tests she saw more of me than I would have prefered lol :bootyshake::ashamed:.
So she probably had a hard day at the orifice!!!!!
Sorry for makin you the butt of the joke. Hope everything works out ok. O dear!!! I better stop now :bootyshake:
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