View Full Version : Am I being selfish?
All of my family are in the UK for Christmas and New Year except for my daughter and I. We decided that we would do what takes our fancy, go out and eat Christmas Day, have a few drinks and just enjoy the day together.
The problem is she has a Canarian boyfriend who lives about 1 1/2 hours away from us on the bus. She spends most of her time at his house and probably comes home once or twice a week always with him in tow. I haven't got a problem with him as such but it seems we don't get any time to ourselves anymore. I don't expect her to spend all of her time at home but it would be nice to see her once and a while without him being around. Going with Canarian tradition she has been invited to eat with his family Christmas Eve meaning she will be unable to get the bus home due to the time and a cab would be out of the question as she would be looking at about 40 euros without the fact it will be Christmas Eve.
Her plan, as she told me today is that she would meet me in Los Cristianos on Christmas Day so that we can start our Celebrations, but seemed to have no worries that she wouldn't be at home in the morning to exchange presents etc. This really p'd me off if I am honest as it would probably be the only full day that we would spend together over the holidays as she already has plans with her boyfriend for New Years Eve. Basically it ended up with me telling her not to bother I would spend Christmas on my own. Result she has gone to her boyfriends house and I am sitting here with steam coming out of my ears.... am I being selfish??
tracy hampshire
23-12-2011, 21:03
your not being selfish to want a bit of time with your daughter, but i think you should have gone ahead and met her in los cris, at the end of the day she is young and you need to meet her half way, unfortunatly she is in love and only thinks of her boyfriend, so i think swallow your pride call her . go meet and have a bloody good day ,,,,,
uptowngirl
23-12-2011, 21:05
No you are not selfish, however, you have to understand, she is young, and in love and at this moment in time, nothing is more important than her boyfriend.
In years to come she will look back on this, probably when she has kids of her own, and realise she had got her priorities wrong, but in the mean time, you are going to have to grin and bear young love Iīm afraid!!!
You need to eat some humble pie and ask her to get home as soon as she can on Christmas morning so you can both have as much time as possible together.
No, you're not being selfish Jackie. It must be hard for you, but I hope you can salvage the situation and spend some time with your daughter on Christmas Day. Cast your mind back to when you were her age.............
slodgedad
23-12-2011, 21:24
Whenever I have feelings like that I always look back at what was going on in my head when I was my daughter's age.
Usually straightens me out.
definitely time to bite the bullet Jackie.....
we all want our kids to be with us...but they have their lives as well...
hope things get sorted ...
caroll72
23-12-2011, 22:51
Would not a last minute flight back to uk to spend xmas with your family be another option?
That way, you don't get to spend xmas alone & your daughter gets the time she wants with her boyfriend.........just a thought. Enjoy, whatever you decide.:wink:
Malteser Monkey
23-12-2011, 23:46
Jackie I logged off after reading your post but had to log back on again
Don't know your situation of how the two of you are there but I must say you have to understand the fact that your daughter is embracing the Canarian family tradicion how else will they take her in and look after her. I have been there believe me it's harder than you think trying to keep up with them and I was on my own. I couldn't go home for Xmas I would have lost my job.
Good or bad you are away from the UK and Jackie it won't stop her LOVING you it's just one day.
Make up for it on boxing day - We have to due to our family stuff - it ain't going how I want it to be hun.....big hug
xxxxxx
cainaries
24-12-2011, 01:00
Jackie I logged off after reading your post but had to log back on again
Don't know your situation of how the two of you are there but I must say you have to understand the fact that your daughter is embracing the Canarian family tradicion how else will they take her in and look after her. I have been there believe me it's harder than you think trying to keep up with them and I was on my own. I couldn't go home for Xmas I would have lost my job.
Good or bad you are away from the UK and Jackie it won't stop her LOVING you it's just one day.
Make up for it on boxing day - We have to due to our family stuff - it ain't going how I want it to be hun.....big hug
xxxxxx
It IS just one day, you're so right. And there are many reasons why many of us have spent it on our own at some point in our lives, and it does hurt. For whatever reason. Phone a friend (on skype for preference) is my advice - have a heart to heart with someone who understands.
And start to plan next year's Christmas now so that everyone is in the right place!
timmylish
24-12-2011, 03:12
Jackie luv, you are not being selfish just acting as a human being. We are all naturally social animals and I personally don,t think you should be angry or annoyed at your Daughter as she must live her life the way she needs to. After all you are just feeling this way 'cause she,s on the Island. If she wre elsewhere she could not come down to you anyway. I know I know "but she is on the island". Too bad. Like most people, at some stage in life, we are alone and feel alone but, like in matters of health, always think of the people on this planet of ours who are truly alone, not fo a day or a week but always!
Watch a weepie and get it off yer chest! You know you,ll feel better!
Thanks all. I'm just going to let her do what she wants to do, I don't suppose she is wide awake at silly o clock because she can't sleep and is thinking about it.
Timmy if I put a weepie on I won't stop lol
Goforgold
24-12-2011, 11:33
I understand exactly how you feel Jackie and I understand exactly how your daughter feels - my longer term memory being better than my short term these days!!! :) but as long as she is healthy and happy that's all that matters. She still loves you and you will always be special to her. :)
For what itīs worth Jackie I agree with the other posts! Itīs natural to feel the way you do at this time of year when all the family are away and you had such high expectations for the day with your daughter! give her a call say you might have been a bit oversensitive and meet up as planned! You know it makes sense!:wink::wave:
Get your backside down here, you can spend Christmas with us... ;)
If it's any consolation, I can't even get my son to answer a phone/text/email/skype/facetime at the moment. It would appear it's not cool to be close & loving to mummy when you're nearly 21. I too have shed tears over it, but I just have to hope it's a phase he's going through. Chin up Jackie and try and speak to her... Failing that, my original offer stands x
Goforgold
24-12-2011, 14:26
A young friend I've taken under my wing is just 13 and she loves to come with me to a local carvery. However I was informed yesterday that it would be very uncool to be seen doing this with me, but it's ok as her school friends can't see her!! Blady charming!!! :D
bonitatime
24-12-2011, 15:08
No I don't think you are selfish the opposite even. We have so few times as our children grow up that we can spend time with them.
Even if you are cross try to make peace so you can see your daughter tomorrow as hard as it may be you may always regret this xmas otherwise. Hope it works out.
Jackie, this is just one Xmas there will hopefully be many others for both of you to enjoy. Do not fall out over part of a day, give her a ring and ask her what time she will be back in LC and meet her a the bus stop and give her a big hug. Its only when you get older you seem to get wiser and take more consideration into other peoples feelings, she is young and by the sound of it in love at the minute, it might last it might not but at least you can be there all the time if you make up now and not leave her mulling things over. In the end its your decision but ring her and have a happy christmas.
bonitatime
24-12-2011, 15:28
Is there no way you could go and join them. It might be hard but at least you would be with her.
All sorted now thanks everyone. We spoke, we rowed,we stopped speaking, we made up and we are meeting in Los Cristianos for lunch and drinks tomorrow lol. As much as I love this place it can be so lonely sometimes. Hope you all have a great Christmas xx
Goforgold
24-12-2011, 16:19
All sorted now thanks everyone. We spoke, we rowed,we stopped speaking, we made up and we are meeting in Los Cristianos for lunch and drinks tomorrow lol. As much as I love this place it can be so lonely sometimes. Hope you all have a great Christmas xx
Now that's the best Christmas present - have a lovely time together. :). Kids eh, who'd 'ave 'em??!!! ;)
bonitatime
24-12-2011, 17:46
I am so pleased it worked out. Have a great day tomorrow
Jackie you know who i am. You stopped me when i was leaving the forum party and your beautiful daughter did my hair for me. My son rang me from home to say he is staying in Dublin for xmas this year. This is the first xmas without him but hey i will get him a flight for January.Anyway Jackie there will be 200 people on the beach in los cris tomorrow singing carols beside the boats, also the market is on in los cris so it will be buzzing.I WILL KEEP MY EYE OUT FOR YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER AND STOP FOR A CHAT.
Just to let you know we had a great afternoon. My daughters boyfriend and one of her friends from our village came as well, I don't think the boyfriend knew what to do with three inebriated ladies haha but hey it's Christmas. Hope you all had a good one
Goforgold
26-12-2011, 09:49
Just to let you know we had a great afternoon. My daughters boyfriend and one of her friends from our village came as well, I don't think the boyfriend knew what to do with three inebriated ladies haha but hey it's Christmas. Hope you all had a good one
Great to hear that it turned out well for you and you had a good time with your daughter and her friends :)
I love a happy ending... :D
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