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View Full Version : What an awful day at work today.



jolfc
13-06-2011, 16:19
I work in a primary school as a cook and love my job everyday. Today though has been heartbreaking for me. Two of the children that have dinners were what I thought off sick, but it was explained to me that they have been removed from their mother due to her being an alcholic / drug user. I understand that this is for the best for the children, there is five siblings altogether and the thing that upsets me so much is that they have now been split up, :(. All I hope is said mother does not now go and have anymore children as I assume she will no longer get all the benifits that she acquired when the children were with her to fund her habits. I know I should not get too attached to the children, but it is hard when I have seen them all go through the school. Anyway I have to remember that albeit the children are split up, that hopefully they get a better quality of life. I just cant imagine what it must be like not to be with your siblings all of a sudden. Sorry to go on, but it has affected me more than I thought it would.

Jackie
13-06-2011, 16:45
That's really sad jolfc, but as you say if it gives them a better quality of life then it is probably for the best. Kids can be quite adaptable to new situations so maybe once they are being shown the attention and love that they should have been getting from their mother they will soon settle down to their new life.

I have read quite a few factual books recently written by people who were in a similar situation, hopefully the other siblings have also been taken away rather than left with the mother and probably to the own devices which happens a lot in these circumstances.

onelegnofeet
13-06-2011, 17:33
Hopefully the social services will have the decency to at least leave the children in the same school/s this may only add to their plight if not .............so you may still see them .fingers crossed .BTW Big Hug to you .................

bonitatime
13-06-2011, 18:01
It is a shame thy have been split up. Difficult enough they have been taken from their home but alone must be very scary.

kieraj
13-06-2011, 23:41
how sad for those poor children, sorry your so upset am sure I would be the same, that is why I don't work with children, I work with the elderly and that is heartbreaking every day, there are some families that don't deserve their parents, some days I think oh my god that's your mum/dad. One lady has her hair done every week (6.50) her loving son has decided he can't afford that so she can have it done once a month that is her highlight of the week , so for 3 weeks she crys as all her friends go to the hairdressers, she is 99 ! how sad is that x

with cheese
14-06-2011, 00:02
If they have just been removed they have been split on a temporary care order. There will be things going on to check the dangers of living with mum and if a program can be found. As this is unlikely there will be a full care order also applied for and unless there is abuse between the children they will try very hard to reunite the siblings with a foster family.
It is a 95 % chance they will be back together very soon but doubtful they will be going back to the same school unless a care order involving the parent is given.

bonitatime
14-06-2011, 13:42
I think probably the most important thing is that they are back together. It must be heart breaking to have to work in situations like this. And very hard to know what is the right thing to do.

with cheese
14-06-2011, 19:25
I take it we are talking UK here, if you are worried about the children's future have a look at the social charter for looked after children.

warbey
14-06-2011, 19:38
These kids I suspect are nice well mannered normal Kids..
I expect Social Services will do Their best to Maintain connections within the Family.
You never know, it just might shake Mum into realising whats happened.
..
I note Dad's not mentioned. This could be the cause or He may step in to help His Kids..?
Its never nice, but They should be in safer Hands now..
..
Caring has its downsides but the Rewards are far greater, aren't They..?

with cheese
14-06-2011, 20:16
If Mum is involved in Drink and Drugs then she may get help and have a good chance of getting her kids back with support.
If she does not want to recover or even admit a problem then the kids need a full time care order. This will mean Mum can have assisted contact with her children and that will be encouraged. If it becomes dangerous or the children refuse any contact then it will be stopped.
In all cases of siblings being placed into care, if the siblings are safe with each other, the services and local body will try and place them together.

The problem is when in care children are generally placed in short term care as it is hoped the parent(s) will be able to have them back. Kids can then be moved to care- back home-care-back home-care, well you get the picture, until it is decided the child should be in a long term placement.
All foster carers short or long and also respite carers have a very big part to play and very different roles.
It is very easy to blame social workers when kids are not placed in long term care or sent back home but the guidelines they have to follow are so strict.
Kids in care can and do grow up to make their own minds up about birth families, they also grow up to be very strong and respectful adults in many cases.
Yes many kids do come with a lot of baggage and some of it is head down the toilet stuff but some how most of them can cope with the right support and stability.

jolfc
15-06-2011, 13:56
A little update, the 12 and 14 year olds are with a foster family at the moment, 4 and 2 year old with their grandma ( dads mum) and 6 year old with the dad. Apparently this is a permanent order against the mother, though I am not too sure quite what that means. Unfortunately they will not be back at my school as they now live 40 minutes away, :(. I will never forget how excited those 4 children got that I used to cook dinner for when they saw what it was at times, I doubt they ever got a home cooked meal at home. At least they have been given to family and kept the older 2 together. My view is that the mother should be kicked out of the 3 bedroomed council house she is in, given minimumal benefits and never be allowed to have children again. Would she be allowed to keep a child if she got herself pregnant again?
Many thanks for the kind words given by forum members it did make me feel a little better. All I hope is these children get the kind of life they deserve and a proper childhood now.

Jackie
15-06-2011, 17:35
At least you know what has happened to them and that they obviously being well cared for.

I had a friend in the UK who was unable to have children and she adopted a brother and sister under similar circumstances to the children you have spoken about. About 18 months after the initial adoption her Social worker contacted her and said that the mother of the children she had adopted was pregnant again and they basically offered her first refusal of adopting it as soon as it was born. The reason they gave her was that even if her and her husband decided against adopting the third child and it was adopted by someone else she would still have to arrange for the two she had adopted to have contact/visits etc because they were siblings. She did in fact adopt the third child because she thought that the kids lives had been disrupted enough, even though she would explain their history when they were old enough she felt it would be unsettling for them to visit their new born brother/sister and then go home to her and her husband. She was also told that the visits would have to be on a very regular basis so the children got to know each other well which would have been very disrupting for all concerned over the years. So no I wouldn't imagine she would be able to keep another baby should she have one.

Why do they just not sterilise women like this then there would 100% be no more babies.

warbey
15-06-2011, 20:31
Thankyou for the update Jolfc.
Its about what I expected in the circumstances, and its good to hear its a Family effort.
kind of wonder that Dad has One, but it could well be the Elder siblings do have a different Father..?

with cheese
15-06-2011, 22:14
A little update, the 12 and 14 year olds are with a foster family at the moment, 4 and 2 year old with their grandma ( dads mum) and 6 year old with the dad. Apparently this is a permanent order against the mother, though I am not too sure quite what that means. Unfortunately they will not be back at my school as they now live 40 minutes away, :(. I will never forget how excited those 4 children got that I used to cook dinner for when they saw what it was at times, I doubt they ever got a home cooked meal at home. At least they have been given to family and kept the older 2 together. My view is that the mother should be kicked out of the 3 bedroomed council house she is in, given minimumal benefits and never be allowed to have children again. Would she be allowed to keep a child if she got herself pregnant again?
Many thanks for the kind words given by forum members it did make me feel a little better. All I hope is these children get the kind of life they deserve and a proper childhood now.
It is most likely a Temporary care order with application for permanency. Which means mum will still be able to apply for access or even the children back but the chances of getting them would be very low.
This is a very difficult situation for carers as they never know and in this case the Father may apply for care.
Sad to say these kids are not stable yet but hopefully soon.
If you like the feelings of caring, have you ever considered being a carer. It is hard and not brilliant at times but when you do change a child's life in anyway at all, the rewards are endless.