Ecky Thump
02-12-2012, 12:31
As we progress into 2013, I want to thank you all for your educational
threads over the past year.
I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.
I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel,
nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying
about the bacteria on the lemon peel.
I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine
what has happened on it since it was last washed.
Young Golfer my thanks also go to you for your contribution, I now have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving
Because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.
Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only
imagine how many gallons of Tran’s fats I have consumed over the years.
I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on
the floor of a public toilet.
I must send my special thanks to Harmonicman for the thread about rat poo
in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with
every envelope that needs sealing.
ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I can't have a drink in a pub because I fear I'll wake up in a bathtub
Full of ice with my kidneys gone.
After a thread from Marbro, I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
Freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.
I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
pig on a hot day.
Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered
if I forward any information that I receive to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Karinagal, because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because
it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car,
So a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
Oh, and thanks to Slodgedad, I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes
seven different types of cancer.
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water
in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring
me for life.
I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a
Needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.
I no longer go to shopping centres because someone will drug
Me with a perfume sample and rob me..
And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask
Me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to
Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan..
Thanks to you I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a
big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant
Death when it bites my bum.
And thanks to your great advice Kirsty, I can't ever pick up a
coin dropped in the car park because it was probably placed
there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.
I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the
Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.
Oh, and by the way...
A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study,
Has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity
Read these posts with their hand on the mouse.......Don't bother taking it off now, its to late.
P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because
I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. Out of the toilet..
NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD DAY:wink:
threads over the past year.
I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.
I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel,
nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying
about the bacteria on the lemon peel.
I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine
what has happened on it since it was last washed.
Young Golfer my thanks also go to you for your contribution, I now have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving
Because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.
Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only
imagine how many gallons of Tran’s fats I have consumed over the years.
I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on
the floor of a public toilet.
I must send my special thanks to Harmonicman for the thread about rat poo
in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with
every envelope that needs sealing.
ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I can't have a drink in a pub because I fear I'll wake up in a bathtub
Full of ice with my kidneys gone.
After a thread from Marbro, I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
Freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.
I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
pig on a hot day.
Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered
if I forward any information that I receive to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Karinagal, because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because
it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car,
So a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
Oh, and thanks to Slodgedad, I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes
seven different types of cancer.
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water
in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring
me for life.
I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a
Needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.
I no longer go to shopping centres because someone will drug
Me with a perfume sample and rob me..
And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask
Me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to
Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan..
Thanks to you I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a
big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant
Death when it bites my bum.
And thanks to your great advice Kirsty, I can't ever pick up a
coin dropped in the car park because it was probably placed
there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.
I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the
Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.
Oh, and by the way...
A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study,
Has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity
Read these posts with their hand on the mouse.......Don't bother taking it off now, its to late.
P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because
I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. Out of the toilet..
NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD DAY:wink: