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View Full Version : A special thanks for all 2012's informative posts



Ecky Thump
02-12-2012, 12:31
As we progress into 2013, I want to thank you all for your educational
threads over the past year.
I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel,
nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying
about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine
what has happened on it since it was last washed.

Young Golfer my thanks also go to you for your contribution, I now have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving
Because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only
imagine how many gallons of Tran’s fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on
the floor of a public toilet.

I must send my special thanks to Harmonicman for the thread about rat poo
in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with
every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I can't have a drink in a pub because I fear I'll wake up in a bathtub
Full of ice with my kidneys gone.

After a thread from Marbro, I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
Freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
pig on a hot day.

Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered
if I forward any information that I receive to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Karinagal, because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because
it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car,
So a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

Oh, and thanks to Slodgedad, I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes
seven different types of cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water
in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring
me for life.

I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a
Needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.

I no longer go to shopping centres because someone will drug
Me with a perfume sample and rob me..

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask
Me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to
Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan..

Thanks to you I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a
big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant
Death when it bites my bum.

And thanks to your great advice Kirsty, I can't ever pick up a
coin dropped in the car park because it was probably placed
there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the
Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.



Oh, and by the way...

A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study,
Has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity
Read these posts with their hand on the mouse.......Don't bother taking it off now, its to late.




P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because
I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. Out of the toilet..

NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD DAY:wink:

karinagal
02-12-2012, 14:07
I almost had need for a Tena lady to mop up a little 'oops' moment there!! :p

blondie
02-12-2012, 14:28
I almost had need for a Tena lady to mop up a little 'oops' moment there!! :p

Great post Ecky, so glad I am not the only person destined to have OCD due to the paranoia of carrying out all of the above, but so funny.

Suzanne
02-12-2012, 14:29
Well done and on that note, Have a Very Merry Christmas.

Harmonicaman
02-12-2012, 14:33
S**t! I had my hand on the mouse all the way through!:doh:

melm
02-12-2012, 14:45
:lol::lol::lol:

And thanks to you for making me laugh:lol::lol::lol:

marbro8
02-12-2012, 14:53
great post ecky:lol::c2:
where has the tread gone??

Ecky Thump
02-12-2012, 16:20
great post ecky:lol::c2:
where has the tread gone??


KFC threatened to sue you!! so Kirsty being supportive of you, removed it.:D

tizzywizzy
02-12-2012, 16:28
Ecky your post did give me a laugh. I am now frightened to touch anything for fear of germs:lol:

junglejim
02-12-2012, 17:26
Have you checked on the number of germs on a keyboard?

TenerifeFanatic
02-12-2012, 20:26
Great post!! Unfortunately Ecky I agree with you entirely!!:wave:

Ecky Thump
03-12-2012, 11:38
I almost had need for a Tena lady to mop up a little 'oops' moment there!! :p


I'm sure there must be a thread somewhere that warns us about this very subject!:cheeky:

Malteser Monkey
03-12-2012, 12:00
and what's the best cheese on toast Ecks, come on don't skip on the important subjects:cheeky:

Ecky Thump
03-12-2012, 12:12
and what's the best cheese on toast Ecks, come on don't skip on the important subjects:cheeky:

Just for MM.


After much in depth research I came up with this one.

.............................................



News RSS Feed Man died after choking on cheese on toast
5:00pm Thursday 8th November 2012 in News


A CARE home resident died after choking on cheese on toast, a Hereford inquest heard yesterday.

Alfred David Ruddock, known as Dave, died on May 30 after eating a meal at Stanley House Care Home in Bosbury.

Malteser Monkey
03-12-2012, 12:13
Just for MM.


After much in depth research I came up with this one.



News RSS Feed Man died after choking on cheese on toast
5:00pm Thursday 8th November 2012 in News


A CARE home resident died after choking on cheese on toast, a Hereford inquest heard yesterday.

Alfred David Ruddock, known as Dave, died on May 30 after eating a meal at Stanley House Care Home in Bosbury.

You'll be fine ...... just remember to put your teeth in and chew first !:D

Medman
03-12-2012, 17:26
Have you checked on the number of germs on a keyboard?

Worse still... my mouse, which I used to read Ecky's post........ where's the antibiotics ?

Ecky Thump
03-12-2012, 17:33
Worse still... my mouse, which I used to read Ecky's post........ where's the antibiotics ?

GP warning on antibiotic overuse on Computer Keyboards


15 November 2012


GP warning on antibiotic overuse on Keyboards
European Antibiotic Awareness Day
A University of Southampton researcher has warned GPs need to preserve antibiotics for serious life threatening illness and to rethink current use patterns.

Medman
03-12-2012, 17:38
GP warning on antibiotic overuse on Computer Keyboards


15 November 2012


GP warning on antibiotic overuse on Keyboards
European Antibiotic Awareness Day
A University of Southampton researcher has warned GPs need to preserve antibiotics for serious life threatening illness and to rethink current use patterns.

It has been reported that it is dangerous to warn people of potential dangers, as this can seriously affect your spacial awareness and place the warner in a dangerously vulnerable position and extremely susceptible to severe mugging which could result in being unable to ever warn again. So be careful Ecky!

bonitatime
03-12-2012, 21:51
Great post, i read it on the phone so not guilty of the mouse problems

Santiago
03-12-2012, 23:36
Great post, i read it on the phone so not guilty of the mouse problems

Hope you washed the phone first!

Medman
04-12-2012, 00:03
Hope you washed the phone first!

Is that what they mean by surfing the net ?

Ecky Thump
04-12-2012, 00:26
Great post, i read it on the phone so not guilty of the mouse problems


Dirty people live up North.

Scientists in London have found 16% of phones and 16% of hands harboured E. coli (Escherichia coli), bacteria which inhabit the human intestines. They found the further north they went the more hands and phones were likely to be contaminated. It could be the bugs survive better in colder and wetter conditions or it might be that people up north of Watford Gap wash their hands less.:cheeky:

COL NIL SATIS
04-12-2012, 22:49
As we progress into 2013, I want to thank you all for your educational
threads over the past year.
I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel,
nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying
about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine
what has happened on it since it was last washed.

Young Golfer my thanks also go to you for your contribution, I now have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving
Because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only
imagine how many gallons of Tran’s fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on
the floor of a public toilet.

I must send my special thanks to Harmonicman for the thread about rat poo
in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with
every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I can't have a drink in a pub because I fear I'll wake up in a bathtub
Full of ice with my kidneys gone.

After a thread from Marbro, I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
Freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
pig on a hot day.

Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered
if I forward any information that I receive to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Karinagal, because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because
it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car,
So a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

Oh, and thanks to Slodgedad, I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes
seven different types of cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water
in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring
me for life.

I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a
Needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.

I no longer go to shopping centres because someone will drug
Me with a perfume sample and rob me..

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask
Me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to
Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan..

Thanks to you I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a
big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant
Death when it bites my bum.

And thanks to your great advice Kirsty, I can't ever pick up a
coin dropped in the car park because it was probably placed
there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the
Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.



Oh, and by the way...

A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study,
Has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity
Read these posts with their hand on the mouse.......Don't bother taking it off now, its to late.




P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because
I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. Out of the toilet..

NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD DAY:wink:

Hahaha,fantastic post Ecky :lol::lol::lol:

EDGEY72
05-12-2012, 00:49
Great post and yes hand was on the mouse at all times.

Ecky Thump
24-12-2012, 19:13
This time a Christmas warning!

Christmas pud could put you over the drink-drive limit

TUCKING in to your favourite Christmas pud over the festive season could send you over the drink drive limit, according to an investigation carried out this week.

Puddings from supermarkets such as Marks and Spencer, Asda, Tesco and Sainsbury’s have been found to be laced with significant amounts of spirits, such as brandy, rum and cognac, as well as sherry and cider.

And the modern habit of microwaving a Christmas pudding rather than boiling or steaming it, means much less alcohol evaporates from the festive favourite.:yum::drunk2:

warbey
24-12-2012, 20:09
Thought You didn't believe in Spirits Ecky.?....:devil:..:flatcap::flatcap:.:D.