View Full Version : Put downs, Insults and Comebacks
The one thing I enjoyed about the Taxman's Revenge was it gave us a chance to hone our put downs, insults and comeback skills.
Do you have any favourites? I'll start us off
You sound reasonable... Time I upped the medication.
I hear you were born on April 2 - a day too late!
this may sound a bit harsh,but it certainly shuts them up,ready? if a guy/girl is pee ing you off just say back "no wonder men/women(the opposite sex to who is pee ing you off)shag about"
Everybody has a right to their own opinion, but yours is always wrong!
karinagal
30-05-2011, 21:40
If I had a face like yours, I'd let my a*** (sphincter) do the talking.....
What time are you due back ?
karinagal
30-05-2011, 22:02
You are about as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit
karinagal
30-05-2011, 22:04
A self made man is the perfect example of unskilled labour
with cheese
30-05-2011, 22:06
Can I talk to your Carer, please.
with cheese
30-05-2011, 22:07
If male.... Do you have a big penis, go f**k yourself.
What time are you due back ?
How about never? Is never good for you?
I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
You're as much use as a one legged man in an ar*e kicking contest.
You're as much use as a chocolate fireguard!
If you had brains you would be dangerous
If brains were dynamite, you couldn't blow your nose
with cheese
30-05-2011, 22:22
That wasn't your twin that died at birth, it was the baby.
mhtenerife
30-05-2011, 22:29
Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?
YOUNG GOLFER
30-05-2011, 22:46
Yor are about as much use as a ashtray on a motorbike.
DeedeeTipperary
30-05-2011, 22:47
What are you doing over here depriving a village of an idiot
I knew youre mother was a weightlifter thats why she raised a dumbell like you
I've seen more life in a down and out's vest
and
Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.
YOUNG GOLFER
30-05-2011, 22:53
That's why they invented booze so even the ugly ones like you get a Shag...........
I've seen more life in a down and out's vest
and
Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.
DaveRF - I just knew you would like those - we have the same warped sense of humour. :D
lord_cheeseman
30-05-2011, 22:58
Did it ever ocurr to you that I don't think you are good looking enough to spend £1.50 on. One of my finer put downs after some burd was nagging me to buy her a drink.
slodgedad
30-05-2011, 22:59
Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?
Nah. Colostomy bag. I run out of plasters.
YOUNG GOLFER
30-05-2011, 23:00
You have one of them faces only a mother could love.
You've more faces than a town hall clock
You two don't spoil two houses
mhtenerife
30-05-2011, 23:03
I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
are your parents brother and sister?
The best part of you ran down your mothers leg
onelegnofeet
31-05-2011, 16:46
You've got a face like a smacked @rsehole ..........
if you where in India you'd be Sacred ........
You have a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp,
When God gave out looks / brains you were at the back of the queue.
Keep talking. I always yawn when I'm interested.
Please breathe the other way. You're bleaching my hair.
Tinkabel
31-05-2011, 18:04
I bet your mother had a loud bark
You're a habit I'd like to kick; with both feet.
mhtenerife
31-05-2011, 18:15
You are about as useful as a windshield wiper on a goat's ass.
I bet you were so ugly as a baby your mother had shutters on your pram.
Tom & Sharon
31-05-2011, 18:22
She's so ugly she'd fricken a police horse
onelegnofeet
31-05-2011, 20:27
When you were born...............i bet they smacked your mother !!
with cheese
31-05-2011, 20:29
When you were born...............i bet they smacked your mother !!
Or did Mother smack the midwife.
with cheese
31-05-2011, 20:31
Your plastic surgery not finished yet.
Would you like a dance, No, nor do I now I am this close.
Comedian to heckler in crowd : "If you were so important all the seats would be facing you !!"
starling
22-01-2013, 11:11
Comedian to heckler in crowd : "If you were so important all the seats would be facing you !!"
I thought we'd bring this thread back to life as it's been a long time since anyone posted.
Here's a couple to restart it.
As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
I thought we'd bring this thread back to life as it's been a long time since anyone posted.
Here's a couple to restart it.
As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
Your head's full of dominoes and their all chappin'
Leam_Lin
22-01-2013, 11:48
If brains were gunpowder, you wouldn't have enough to blow your hat off.
If brains were gunpowder, you wouldn't have enough to blow your hat off.
If you were the only girl in the world, I would wish I was gay !
Leam_Lin
22-01-2013, 12:12
I hope you don't mean me.:raspberry2:
Malteser Monkey
22-01-2013, 12:19
I hope you don't mean me.:raspberry2:
or me:dontknow::bootyshake:
Fivepence
22-01-2013, 12:37
If you were the only girl in the world, I would wish I was gay !
I hope you don't mean me.:raspberry2:
or me:dontknow::bootyshake:
Medman did say girl..........................:whistle:
Malteser Monkey
22-01-2013, 12:39
Medman did say girl..........................:whistle:
Quite right 5p we're Ladies :respect:
starling
22-01-2013, 12:43
Quite right 5p we're Ladies :respect:
You're about as much use as a chocolate teapot
Malteser Monkey
22-01-2013, 12:47
You're about as much use as a chocolate teapot
I don't know what makes you tick - but I hope it's a time bomb:cheeky:
starling
22-01-2013, 12:51
I don't know what makes you tick - but I hope it's a time bomb:cheeky:
I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass. :laugh:
Malteser Monkey
22-01-2013, 12:54
I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass. :laugh:
I'm not playing anymore - I can't be that 'orrible - I'm out!:raspberry2:
Fivepence
22-01-2013, 13:03
I'm not playing anymore - I can't be that 'orrible - I'm out!:raspberry2:
and for that reason ..............I'm hoot. :laugh:
Love a bit of 'Dragons Den' Double M.
starling
22-01-2013, 13:28
and for that reason ..............I'm hoot. :laugh:
Love a bit of 'Dragons Den' Double M.
If you can't stand the heat keep out of the kitchen.
Malteser Monkey
22-01-2013, 13:37
If you can't stand the heat keep out of the kitchen.
so who's making dinner
so who's making dinner
The Dinner Ladies ............
starling
22-01-2013, 15:06
Man - Excuse me, want to dance?
Woman - No.
Man - Maybe you didn't hear me ... I said you look really fat in those pants!
Man - Excuse me, want to dance?
Woman - No.
Man - Maybe you didn't hear me ... I said you look really fat in those pants!
Same man trying to make it up to her .......... "you don't sweat much for a fat lass"
starling
22-01-2013, 17:05
Same man trying to make it up to her .......... "you don't sweat much for a fat lass"
Same guy trying to chat up her pal .........
"I love what you've done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that? "
Woman... Your'e Drunk.
Churchill... Youre Ugly, and Tomorrow I'll be sober...
Person 1 - Good Morning
Person 2 - Shut it you prick
Person 1 - ________________________
Person 1 - Good Morning
Person 2 - Shut it you prick
Person 1 - ________________________
Not PFffttt......It's Thwack...............oooooeeeerrr
starling
25-01-2013, 19:15
Not PFffttt......It's Thwack...............oooooeeeerrr
I'd like to help you out, which way did you come in?
man walking down the road, two women walk past, man shouts "hello sugar":wink2:, woman says f*** off, man shouts " not you the other bag":laugh:
starling
28-01-2013, 10:11
What are you doing here depriving a village of an idiot?
macdonald5
04-02-2013, 18:45
Choose your window, you're leaving !!
starling
08-02-2013, 12:34
He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.
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