Put downs, Insults and Comebacks

[Zara]

The one thing I enjoyed about the Taxman's Revenge was it gave us a chance to hone our put downs, insults and comeback skills.

Do you have any favourites? I'll start us off

You sound reasonable... Time I upped the medication.

I hear you were born on April 2 - a day too late!

[tonypub]

this may sound a bit harsh,but it certainly shuts them up,ready? if a guy/girl is pee ing you off just say back "no wonder men/women(the opposite sex to who is pee ing you off)shag about"

[Sal]

Everybody has a right to their own opinion, but yours is always wrong!

[karinagal]

If I had a face like yours, I'd let my a*** (sphincter) do the talking.....

[reggie]

What time are you due back ?

[karinagal]

You are about as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit

[karinagal]

A self made man is the perfect example of unskilled labour

[with cheese]

Can I talk to your Carer, please.

[with cheese]

If male.... Do you have a big penis, go f**k yourself.

[Zara]

What time are you due back ?

How about never? Is never good for you?

I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

[DaveRF]

You're as much use as a one legged man in an ar*e kicking contest.

[Susief]

You're as much use as a chocolate fireguard!

[sunspot]

If you had brains you would be dangerous

[Zara]

If brains were dynamite, you couldn't blow your nose

[with cheese]

That wasn't your twin that died at birth, it was the baby.

[mhtenerife]

Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?

[YOUNG GOLFER]

Yor are about as much use as a ashtray on a motorbike.

[DeedeeTipperary]

What are you doing over here depriving a village of an idiot

[AJP]

I knew youre mother was a weightlifter thats why she raised a dumbell like you

[Zara]

I've seen more life in a down and out's vest

and

Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.

[YOUNG GOLFER]

That's why they invented booze so even the ugly ones like you get a Shag...........

[Zara]

I've seen more life in a down and out's vest

and

Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.

DaveRF - I just knew you would like those - we have the same warped sense of humour. :D

[lord_cheeseman]

Did it ever ocurr to you that I don't think you are good looking enough to spend £1.50 on. One of my finer put downs after some burd was nagging me to buy her a drink.

[slodgedad]

Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?

Nah. Colostomy bag. I run out of plasters.

[YOUNG GOLFER]

You have one of them faces only a mother could love.

[DaveRF]

You've more faces than a town hall clock

[DaveRF]

You two don't spoil two houses

[mhtenerife]

I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

[wen53]

are your parents brother and sister?

[Tojack]

The best part of you ran down your mothers leg

[onelegnofeet]

You've got a face like a smacked @rsehole ..........

if you where in India you'd be Sacred ........

[jolfc]

You have a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp,
When God gave out looks / brains you were at the back of the queue.

[Zara]

Keep talking. I always yawn when I'm interested.

Please breathe the other way. You're bleaching my hair.

[Tinkabel]

I bet your mother had a loud bark

You're a habit I'd like to kick; with both feet.

[mhtenerife]

You are about as useful as a windshield wiper on a goat's ass.

[jolfc]

I bet you were so ugly as a baby your mother had shutters on your pram.

[Tom & Sharon]

She's so ugly she'd fricken a police horse

[onelegnofeet]

When you were born...............i bet they smacked your mother !!

[with cheese]

When you were born...............i bet they smacked your mother !!

Or did Mother smack the midwife.

[with cheese]

Your plastic surgery not finished yet.
Would you like a dance, No, nor do I now I am this close.

[Medman]

Comedian to heckler in crowd : "If you were so important all the seats would be facing you !!"

[starling]

Comedian to heckler in crowd : "If you were so important all the seats would be facing you !!"

I thought we'd bring this thread back to life as it's been a long time since anyone posted.
Here's a couple to restart it.


As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.

[Medman]

I thought we'd bring this thread back to life as it's been a long time since anyone posted.
Here's a couple to restart it.


As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.

Your head's full of dominoes and their all chappin'

[Leam_Lin]

If brains were gunpowder, you wouldn't have enough to blow your hat off.

[Medman]

If brains were gunpowder, you wouldn't have enough to blow your hat off.

If you were the only girl in the world, I would wish I was gay !

[Leam_Lin]

I hope you don't mean me.:raspberry2:

[Malteser Monkey]

I hope you don't mean me.:raspberry2:

or me:dontknow::bootyshake:

[Fivepence]

If you were the only girl in the world, I would wish I was gay !


I hope you don't mean me.:raspberry2:


or me:dontknow::bootyshake:

Medman did say girl..........................:whistle:

[Malteser Monkey]

Medman did say girl..........................:whistle:

Quite right 5p we're Ladies :respect:

[starling]

Quite right 5p we're Ladies :respect:

You're about as much use as a chocolate teapot

[Malteser Monkey]

You're about as much use as a chocolate teapot

I don't know what makes you tick - but I hope it's a time bomb:cheeky:

[starling]

I don't know what makes you tick - but I hope it's a time bomb:cheeky:

I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass. :laugh:

[Malteser Monkey]

I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass. :laugh:

I'm not playing anymore - I can't be that 'orrible - I'm out!:raspberry2:

[Fivepence]

I'm not playing anymore - I can't be that 'orrible - I'm out!:raspberry2:

and for that reason ..............I'm hoot. :laugh:

Love a bit of 'Dragons Den' Double M.

[starling]

and for that reason ..............I'm hoot. :laugh:

Love a bit of 'Dragons Den' Double M.

If you can't stand the heat keep out of the kitchen.

[Malteser Monkey]

If you can't stand the heat keep out of the kitchen.

so who's making dinner

[Medman]

so who's making dinner

The Dinner Ladies ............

[starling]

Man - Excuse me, want to dance?
Woman - No.
Man - Maybe you didn't hear me ... I said you look really fat in those pants!

[Medman]

Man - Excuse me, want to dance?
Woman - No.
Man - Maybe you didn't hear me ... I said you look really fat in those pants!

Same man trying to make it up to her .......... "you don't sweat much for a fat lass"

[starling]

Same man trying to make it up to her .......... "you don't sweat much for a fat lass"

Same guy trying to chat up her pal .........

"I love what you've done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that? "

[warbey]

Woman... Your'e Drunk.

Churchill... Youre Ugly, and Tomorrow I'll be sober...

[9PLUS]

Person 1 - Good Morning

Person 2 - Shut it you prick

Person 1 - ________________________

[warbey]

Person 1 - Good Morning

Person 2 - Shut it you prick

Person 1 - ________________________


Not PFffttt......It's Thwack...............oooooeeeerrr

[starling]

Not PFffttt......It's Thwack...............oooooeeeerrr

I'd like to help you out, which way did you come in?

[marbro8]

man walking down the road, two women walk past, man shouts "hello sugar":wink2:, woman says f*** off, man shouts " not you the other bag":laugh:

[starling]

What are you doing here depriving a village of an idiot?

[macdonald5]

Choose your window, you're leaving !!

[starling]

He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.