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Zara
30-05-2011, 21:17
The one thing I enjoyed about the Taxman's Revenge was it gave us a chance to hone our put downs, insults and comeback skills.

Do you have any favourites? I'll start us off

You sound reasonable... Time I upped the medication.

I hear you were born on April 2 - a day too late!

tonypub
30-05-2011, 21:20
this may sound a bit harsh,but it certainly shuts them up,ready? if a guy/girl is pee ing you off just say back "no wonder men/women(the opposite sex to who is pee ing you off)shag about"

Sal
30-05-2011, 21:21
Everybody has a right to their own opinion, but yours is always wrong!

karinagal
30-05-2011, 21:40
If I had a face like yours, I'd let my a*** (sphincter) do the talking.....

reggie
30-05-2011, 21:52
What time are you due back ?

karinagal
30-05-2011, 22:02
You are about as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit

karinagal
30-05-2011, 22:04
A self made man is the perfect example of unskilled labour

with cheese
30-05-2011, 22:06
Can I talk to your Carer, please.

with cheese
30-05-2011, 22:07
If male.... Do you have a big penis, go f**k yourself.

Zara
30-05-2011, 22:07
What time are you due back ?

How about never? Is never good for you?

I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

DaveRF
30-05-2011, 22:08
You're as much use as a one legged man in an ar*e kicking contest.

Susief
30-05-2011, 22:09
You're as much use as a chocolate fireguard!

sunspot
30-05-2011, 22:10
If you had brains you would be dangerous

Zara
30-05-2011, 22:12
If brains were dynamite, you couldn't blow your nose

with cheese
30-05-2011, 22:22
That wasn't your twin that died at birth, it was the baby.

mhtenerife
30-05-2011, 22:29
Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?

YOUNG GOLFER
30-05-2011, 22:46
Yor are about as much use as a ashtray on a motorbike.

DeedeeTipperary
30-05-2011, 22:47
What are you doing over here depriving a village of an idiot

AJP
30-05-2011, 22:50
I knew youre mother was a weightlifter thats why she raised a dumbell like you

Zara
30-05-2011, 22:51
I've seen more life in a down and out's vest

and

Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.

YOUNG GOLFER
30-05-2011, 22:53
That's why they invented booze so even the ugly ones like you get a Shag...........

Zara
30-05-2011, 22:57
I've seen more life in a down and out's vest

and

Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.

DaveRF - I just knew you would like those - we have the same warped sense of humour. :D

lord_cheeseman
30-05-2011, 22:58
Did it ever ocurr to you that I don't think you are good looking enough to spend 1.50 on. One of my finer put downs after some burd was nagging me to buy her a drink.

slodgedad
30-05-2011, 22:59
Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?

Nah. Colostomy bag. I run out of plasters.

YOUNG GOLFER
30-05-2011, 23:00
You have one of them faces only a mother could love.

DaveRF
30-05-2011, 23:01
You've more faces than a town hall clock

DaveRF
30-05-2011, 23:02
You two don't spoil two houses

mhtenerife
30-05-2011, 23:03
I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

wen53
31-05-2011, 01:36
are your parents brother and sister?

Tojack
31-05-2011, 01:48
The best part of you ran down your mothers leg

onelegnofeet
31-05-2011, 16:46
You've got a face like a smacked @rsehole ..........

if you where in India you'd be Sacred ........

jolfc
31-05-2011, 16:54
You have a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp,
When God gave out looks / brains you were at the back of the queue.

Zara
31-05-2011, 17:32
Keep talking. I always yawn when I'm interested.

Please breathe the other way. You're bleaching my hair.

Tinkabel
31-05-2011, 18:04
I bet your mother had a loud bark

You're a habit I'd like to kick; with both feet.

mhtenerife
31-05-2011, 18:15
You are about as useful as a windshield wiper on a goat's ass.

jolfc
31-05-2011, 18:17
I bet you were so ugly as a baby your mother had shutters on your pram.

Tom & Sharon
31-05-2011, 18:22
She's so ugly she'd fricken a police horse

onelegnofeet
31-05-2011, 20:27
When you were born...............i bet they smacked your mother !!

with cheese
31-05-2011, 20:29
When you were born...............i bet they smacked your mother !!

Or did Mother smack the midwife.

with cheese
31-05-2011, 20:31
Your plastic surgery not finished yet.
Would you like a dance, No, nor do I now I am this close.

Medman
07-06-2011, 09:48
Comedian to heckler in crowd : "If you were so important all the seats would be facing you !!"

starling
22-01-2013, 11:11
Comedian to heckler in crowd : "If you were so important all the seats would be facing you !!"

I thought we'd bring this thread back to life as it's been a long time since anyone posted.
Here's a couple to restart it.


As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.

Medman
22-01-2013, 11:32
I thought we'd bring this thread back to life as it's been a long time since anyone posted.
Here's a couple to restart it.


As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.

Your head's full of dominoes and their all chappin'

Leam_Lin
22-01-2013, 11:48
If brains were gunpowder, you wouldn't have enough to blow your hat off.

Medman
22-01-2013, 11:52
If brains were gunpowder, you wouldn't have enough to blow your hat off.

If you were the only girl in the world, I would wish I was gay !

Leam_Lin
22-01-2013, 12:12
I hope you don't mean me.:raspberry2:

Malteser Monkey
22-01-2013, 12:19
I hope you don't mean me.:raspberry2:

or me:dontknow::bootyshake:

Fivepence
22-01-2013, 12:37
If you were the only girl in the world, I would wish I was gay !


I hope you don't mean me.:raspberry2:


or me:dontknow::bootyshake:

Medman did say girl..........................:whistle:

Malteser Monkey
22-01-2013, 12:39
Medman did say girl..........................:whistle:

Quite right 5p we're Ladies :respect:

starling
22-01-2013, 12:43
Quite right 5p we're Ladies :respect:

You're about as much use as a chocolate teapot

Malteser Monkey
22-01-2013, 12:47
You're about as much use as a chocolate teapot

I don't know what makes you tick - but I hope it's a time bomb:cheeky:

starling
22-01-2013, 12:51
I don't know what makes you tick - but I hope it's a time bomb:cheeky:

I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass. :laugh:

Malteser Monkey
22-01-2013, 12:54
I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass. :laugh:

I'm not playing anymore - I can't be that 'orrible - I'm out!:raspberry2:

Fivepence
22-01-2013, 13:03
I'm not playing anymore - I can't be that 'orrible - I'm out!:raspberry2:

and for that reason ..............I'm hoot. :laugh:

Love a bit of 'Dragons Den' Double M.

starling
22-01-2013, 13:28
and for that reason ..............I'm hoot. :laugh:

Love a bit of 'Dragons Den' Double M.

If you can't stand the heat keep out of the kitchen.

Malteser Monkey
22-01-2013, 13:37
If you can't stand the heat keep out of the kitchen.

so who's making dinner

Medman
22-01-2013, 13:44
so who's making dinner

The Dinner Ladies ............

starling
22-01-2013, 15:06
Man - Excuse me, want to dance?
Woman - No.
Man - Maybe you didn't hear me ... I said you look really fat in those pants!

Medman
22-01-2013, 15:26
Man - Excuse me, want to dance?
Woman - No.
Man - Maybe you didn't hear me ... I said you look really fat in those pants!

Same man trying to make it up to her .......... "you don't sweat much for a fat lass"

starling
22-01-2013, 17:05
Same man trying to make it up to her .......... "you don't sweat much for a fat lass"

Same guy trying to chat up her pal .........

"I love what you've done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that? "

warbey
22-01-2013, 21:09
Woman... Your'e Drunk.

Churchill... Youre Ugly, and Tomorrow I'll be sober...

9PLUS
22-01-2013, 21:36
Person 1 - Good Morning

Person 2 - Shut it you prick

Person 1 - ________________________

warbey
22-01-2013, 21:41
Person 1 - Good Morning

Person 2 - Shut it you prick

Person 1 - ________________________


Not PFffttt......It's Thwack...............oooooeeeerrr

starling
25-01-2013, 19:15
Not PFffttt......It's Thwack...............oooooeeeerrr

I'd like to help you out, which way did you come in?

marbro8
26-01-2013, 01:18
man walking down the road, two women walk past, man shouts "hello sugar":wink2:, woman says f*** off, man shouts " not you the other bag":laugh:

starling
28-01-2013, 10:11
What are you doing here depriving a village of an idiot?

macdonald5
04-02-2013, 18:45
Choose your window, you're leaving !!

starling
08-02-2013, 12:34
He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.