View Full Version : Question section
cinnamon
03-06-2011, 21:03
ok..another drivvel one....might turn out interesting though...someone asks any qestion for the next poster, after he/she has answered the question, he/she comes up with a new one...and so on and so on.....
q: if you could time travel, where and which time would you go to?
onelegnofeet
03-06-2011, 21:38
Yesterday ..............so i could remember where i put a reciept in a safe place !!!
If you had Special powers what would you choose and why ?
Yesterday ..............so i could remember where i put a reciept in a safe place !!!
If you had Special powers what would you choose and why ?
Healing Hands,just to ease the pain of all the sufferers
If you could be anyone else who would that be ?
slodgedad
04-06-2011, 00:30
Healing Hands,just to ease the pain of all the sufferers
If you could be anyone else who would that be ?
George Clooney. I'm tired of being so attractive,
Why don't buses sell Oxo when they advertise them?
George Clooney. I'm tired of being so attractive,
Why don't buses sell Oxo when they advertise them?
because they drive you to the shop that sells oxo
If you were an animal what would you be?
Dave-Durham
04-06-2011, 06:40
because they drive you to the shop that sells oxo
If you were an animal what would you be?
A Jack Russell Terrier
If you could rid the world of one modern day invention what would it be?
onelegnofeet
04-06-2011, 08:44
A Jack Russell Terrier
If you could rid the world of one modern day invention what would it be?
THE FORUM .........................nearly managed it the other week !!!:fryingpan::poke::hit::surrender:
Who would you choose to be your best friend (i know not me !!)
THE FORUM .........................nearly managed it the other week !!!:fryingpan::poke::hit::surrender:
Who would you choose to be your best friend (i know not me !!)
Not too sure could be a few people ???
If you won the lottery what would you do?
move to tenerife
what country would you get rid of if you could???
Dave-Durham
04-06-2011, 12:20
move to tenerife
what country would you get rid of if you could???
France...................................
Why pick on France?
onelegnofeet
04-06-2011, 13:35
France...................................
Why pick on France?
Cos they eat snails ..............dirty b........
Whats got a hazel nut in every bite ?
with cheese
04-06-2011, 13:37
That's off topic.
Name 3 fish begining and ending in K.
That's off topic.
Name 3 fish begining and ending in K.
Kipper, Koi, King Prawn (:)
If you could sing the praises of someone who would that be ?
onelegnofeet
04-06-2011, 14:06
Kipper, Koi, King Prawn (:)
If you could sing the praises of someone who would that be ?
LOL!! begining and ending in K SUNSPOT!!!!
LOL!! begining and ending in K SUNSPOT!!!!
Killer shark, King Sized Haddock, 3.Kilmarnock (Plaice in Scotland) good old google
If you could sing the praises of someone who would that be ?
Malteser Monkey
04-06-2011, 14:49
Oneleg !
Why can't it always be Summer ?
with cheese
04-06-2011, 14:52
Become a Swallow.
Who ate all the Pies? (hope Reggies around he knows)
Oneleg !
Why can't it always be Summer ?
You would not be able to build a snowman...............
Why cant we all be rich?
onelegnofeet
04-06-2011, 14:54
Become a Swallow.
Who ate all the Pies? (hope Reggies around he knows)
Billy Bunter ...............
How many colours in a rainbow??
with cheese
04-06-2011, 14:56
Roygbiv 7.
How many Prime colours in a rainbow?
Roygbiv 7.
How many Prime colours in a rainbow?
3 Red, Blue and Yellow
What is the highest mountain in europe?
3 Red, Blue and Yellow
What is the highest mountain in europe?mount elbrus
what would your last meal be if you were on death row?
mount elbrus
what would your last meal be if you were on death row?
Warm Goats cheese, Rump steak and pepper sauce and a huge wedge of chocolate fudge cake
What would be the best gift someone could give you?
Cat Woman
04-06-2011, 16:27
My wish would be that cats could only have one kitten per year.:)
with cheese
04-06-2011, 19:18
Warm Goats cheese, Rump steak and pepper sauce and a huge wedge of chocolate fudge cake
What would be the best gift someone could give you?
No more child abuse.
Who is the richest woman in the world.
starling
04-06-2011, 20:50
No more child abuse.
Who is the richest woman in the world.
HM The Queen.
Which famous person would you like to spend 24 hours with?
onelegnofeet
04-06-2011, 20:54
Mohammed Ali ...............
Whats your favourite dog ?
Ecky Thump
04-06-2011, 21:22
A Hot Dog........
Why does the word lisp have a "S" in it?
with cheese
04-06-2011, 21:45
Because it was a "SLIP".
How many beans make five?
onelegnofeet
04-06-2011, 22:01
Because it was a "SLIP".
How many beans make five?
Heinz57
How come everyones watching BGT?
slodgedad
04-06-2011, 22:51
Heinz57
How come everyones watching BGT?
Cause there's bugger all else on.
Why are ships female?
Cause there's bugger all else on.
Why are ships female?
Because they aft to be
Why is there only one monopolies commision?
with cheese
04-06-2011, 23:24
Because they took a "chance"
Why is it not sunny at night.
Malteser Monkey
04-06-2011, 23:44
coz someone az 2 sleep ?
how can water be hard or soft ?
slodgedad
04-06-2011, 23:48
coz someone az 2 sleep ?
how can water be hard or soft ?
Depends how you 'turn the tap on'
Why is my glass always empty?
with cheese
04-06-2011, 23:51
Because you are an alcoholic and no one can keep up.
Why does it never rain in Southern California.
Malteser Monkey
04-06-2011, 23:53
coz you have the same one as me !
why don't I feel p.ssd .........
Added after 2 minutes:
Because you are an alcoholic and no one can keep up.
Why does it never rain in Southern California.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-pyC7WnvLT4
cinnamon
04-06-2011, 23:58
Because you are an alcoholic and no one can keep up.
Why does it never rain in Southern California.
because it warms, man it warms.....
what would you do without the forum?
Malteser Monkey
05-06-2011, 00:03
because it warms, man it warms.....
what would you do without the forum?
sleep..........
cinnamon
05-06-2011, 00:13
sleep..........
where is your question?:D
slodgedad
05-06-2011, 00:15
sleep..........
where is your question?:D
Nodded off in the middle of the post...You ask one, C
Malteser Monkey
05-06-2011, 00:17
where is your question?:D
morning or night what do you prefer ?
cinnamon
05-06-2011, 00:17
ok, fair enough...
why don't you ask one, S?
Malteser Monkey
05-06-2011, 00:17
exactly..............
oh I'll leave you boys to it ?
got family stuff mañana.
Added after 9 Hours 52 minutes:
Slodge why don't you ask a question?
(think we all fell asleep)
starling
05-06-2011, 14:16
exactly..............
oh I'll leave you boys to it ?
got family stuff mañana.
Added after 9 Hours 52 minutes:
Slodge why don't you ask a question?
(think we all fell asleep)
Time to wake up !!!
Why does the rain in Spain fall mainly on the plain?
Malteser Monkey
06-06-2011, 13:08
Well actually it's the mountains
What's for dinner
Well actually it's the mountains
What's for dinner
Fish and Chips
where we going tomorrow?
with cheese
06-06-2011, 14:02
Fish and Chips
where we going tomorrow?
Back to where you started at the beginning of the day.
Why does the rain in England fall mainly on your head?
Malteser Monkey
06-06-2011, 14:04
Fish and Chips
where we going tomorrow?
we're going to the zoo zoo zoo
how about you you you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2g6cbw6-vnU
no I haven't been to the pub - Lord know's I could do with a stiff one (drink)
with cheese
06-06-2011, 14:17
we're going to the zoo zoo zoo
how about you you you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2g6cbw6-vnU
no I haven't been to the pub - Lord know's I could do with a stiff one (drink)
Glad you put drink MM, I had visions of you pulling your sox up outside the Monkey cage. ouch.
Yes I would like to come to, Finch, chimp and mushy bees for dinner.
How high the chinaman
Malteser Monkey
06-06-2011, 14:53
Yes How High, I know him well - does a mean chow mein
what did you dream about last night (keep it clean there may be minors about, not the ones that are underground)
Yes How High, I know him well - does a mean chow mein
what did you dream about last night (keep it clean there may be minors about, not the ones that are underground)
I dreamt of being a frog then became one
Why can't we all live in Tenerife ?
Malteser Monkey
07-06-2011, 10:02
I dreamt of being a frog then became one
Why can't we all live in Tenerife ?
We can
who's going to stop us
We can
who's going to stop us
The Ferryman
What would happen if all of the babies prevented by the pill turned up ?
Malteser Monkey
07-06-2011, 10:32
The Ferryman
What would happen if all of the babies prevented by the pill turned up ?
do you mean the morning after pill - surely not just the taken everyday pill
do you mean the morning after pill - surely not just the taken everyday pill
The only morning after pill I know about is an Alka Seltzer !!! :bricks:
Where have all the flowers gone ?
Blondeshrimp
07-06-2011, 10:40
The only morning after pill I know about is an Alka Seltzer !!! :bricks:
Where have all the flowers gone ?
Young girls have picked them, every one.
When will they ever learn?
Young girls have picked them, every one.
When will they ever learn?
Long time passing.
What shall we do today ?
Long time passing.
What shall we do today ?
To the woods to the woods........
How about tonight then?
To the woods to the woods........
How about tonight then?
I'm scared of the dark
Do have a big torch or will I bring mine ?
I'm scared of the dark
Do have a big torch or will I bring mine ?
please bring your's.............
what time shall we make it?
please bring your's.............
what time shall we make it?
Just after dark o'clock
Will that be ok ?
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Quote Originally Posted by Megaloo View Post
please bring your's.............
what time shall we make it?
Just after dark o'clock
Will that be ok ?
Fine by me
Anyone else coming?
Medman's Avatar
Will that be ok ?
Fine by me
Anyone else coming?
I am coming too
Anyone else like to join us?
I am coming too
Anyone else like to join us?
Doesn't look like it !
Are there no nature lovers out there ?
Doesn't look like it !
Are there no nature lovers out there ?
There must be someone somewhere willing.
Shall it be just us three then??
There must be someone somewhere willing.
Shall it be just us three then??
We can take turns holding my torch
Are your hands warm ?
We can take turns holding my torch
Are your hands warm ?
My hands are in my gloves
Why as it taken me so long to reply?
My hands are in my gloves
Why as it taken me so long to reply?
You're too shy shy
Anyone got new batteries for my torch ?
You're too shy shy
Anyone got new batteries for my torch ?
I only have a flash light bulb
Will we need a Password?
I only have a flash light bulb
Will we need a Password?
Hope not
What was the username ?
Hope not
What was the username ?
User name was .USERNAME
What is the address where we a staying with you?
User name was .USERNAME
What is the address where we a staying with you?
www.mahoose.com
Are you cooking breakfast ?
www.mahoose.com
Are you cooking breakfast ?
No we will dine out for Breakfast
what type of animals do you keep in the loft ?
starling
22-08-2013, 20:12
No we will dine out for Breakfast
what type of animals do you keep in the loft ?
Ferrets and Pigeons
What do you expect him to keep in the loft?
Ferrets and Pigeons
What do you expect him to keep in the loft?
Girafters
Is this the way to Amarillo?
Girafters
Is this the way to Amarillo?
No you have got your sat nav upside down
How many legs on 3 and a quarter centipedes ?
No you have got your sat nav upside down
How many legs on 3 and a quarter centipedes ?
Hundreds
Who's the daddy ?
Hundreds
Who's the daddy ?
Still frequently used British slang, possibly becoming a bit dated now. Means who or what is the best by a long shot? Often used almost rhetorically to assert an extreme dominance.
Taken from the film “Scum” - 1979. In the film Carlin a young convict, played by Ray Winstone, victoriously beats up all opposition in the borstal he is incarcerated in and then shouts aggressively, almost screaming, “Who's the daddy? I am the ****ing daddy now!” when he finally becomes top dog.
The question “Who’s the daddy?” in the UK, can be used to define the best of anything, the coolest or most influential, particularly if it wipes the floor of all opposition. Whether an inanimate object or person is being talked about.
“Who’s the daddy?” has nothing to do with paternity or age, as Carlin was no older than his fellow inmates.
So the answer to that is Simples thats me.
which month was the world created in ?
Still frequently used British slang, possibly becoming a bit dated now. Means who or what is the best by a long shot? Often used almost rhetorically to assert an extreme dominance.
Taken from the film “Scum” - 1979. In the film Carlin a young convict, played by Ray Winstone, victoriously beats up all opposition in the borstal he is incarcerated in and then shouts aggressively, almost screaming, “Who's the daddy? I am the ****ing daddy now!” when he finally becomes top dog.
The question “Who’s the daddy?” in the UK, can be used to define the best of anything, the coolest or most influential, particularly if it wipes the floor of all opposition. Whether an inanimate object or person is being talked about.
“Who’s the daddy?” has nothing to do with paternity or age, as Carlin was no older than his fellow inmates.
So the answer to that is Simples thats me.
which month was the world created in ?
April and June said that it May be July, or is that true. Can't really November anymore.
Hoo inventid spelin ?
April and June said that it May be July, or is that true. Can't really November anymore.
Hoo inventid spelin ?
That would be Aaron Spelling he invented it .
Spelling founded Spelling Entertainment in 1972
What is the meaning of life ?
starling
23-08-2013, 13:28
That would be Aaron Spelling he invented it .
Spelling founded Spelling Entertainment in 1972
What is the meaning of life ?
Ask Monty Python.
What is the meaning of death?
Ask Monty Python.
What is the meaning of death?
Ask the Grim Reaper.
Where are all the hide and seek champions ?
starling
23-08-2013, 13:42
Ask the Grim Reaper.
Where are all the hide and seek champions ?
In hiding.
Can you pick yourself up if standing in a bucket?
In hiding.
Can you pick yourself up if standing in a bucket?
Only if there is a hole in the bucket dear Liza
Where do you put the key to your heart ?
starling
23-08-2013, 15:19
Only if there is a hole in the bucket dear Liza
Where do you put the key to your heart ?
In a safe place
If you mated a Bulldog with a ****su would you get a Bull****?
In a safe place
If you mated a Bulldog with a ****su would you get a Bull****?
Yes, or a dog named su
Did Humpty Dumpty wear a shell suit ?
wow after reading a few of the posts on here i now know why i haven't got a green arrow, until now of course:lol: just realized i did post earlier in the thread when it was serious:lol:;)
starling
24-08-2013, 06:38
wow after reading a few of the posts on here i now know why i haven't got a green arrow, until now of course:lol: just realized i did post earlier in the thread when it was serious:lol:;)
So did I Marbro8. Glad it's come back......funny version though!
Yes, or a dog named su
Did Humpty Dumpty wear a shell suit ?
Humpty did wear a shell suit but the parachute pack failed.
Who restarted this Thread the other day ?
Humpty did wear a shell suit but the parachute pack failed.
Who restarted this Thread the other day ?
Think Kylie Minogue had something to do with it
Why did Marbro8 not ask a question ?
Think Kylie Minogue had something to do with it
Why did Marbro8 not ask a question ?
I believe he is shy
Would you like to invite Marbs to this thread ?
Think Kylie Minogue had something to do with it
Why did Marbro8 not ask a question ?because he had had to many beers last night and forgot what the thread was actually about:lol
what would you do about the problem in syria if you where a world leader?
looks like that was a bit of a thread killer:lol:
ok whats your favorite naughty treat;)
because he had had to many beers last night and forgot what the thread was actually about:lol
what would you do about the problem in syria if you where a world leader?
I would hold an enquiry ( nothing new there then)
Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants?
I would hold an enquiry ( nothing new there then)
Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants?
He gets excited in a hot shower .. :laugh:
Why did Marbro8 now ask two questions ?
He gets excited in a hot shower .. :laugh:
Why did Marbro8 now ask two questions ?
Maybe he thought it was 2 4 1
can somebody please tell when will this thread end ?, cos i am getting a little bored by now.
Maybe he thought it was 2 4 1
can somebody please tell when will this thread end ?, cos i am getting a little bored by now.
It will end when it finishes
Why did the mouse run up the clock ?
It will end when it finishes
Why did the mouse run up the clock ?
It ran up the clock cos its Watch battery had run down.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/schoolradio/subjects/earlylearning/nurserysongs/F-J/hickory_dickory_dock
How many deserts are there in the world ?
It ran up the clock cos its Watch battery had run down.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/schoolradio/subjects/earlylearning/nurserysongs/F-J/hickory_dickory_dock
How many deserts are there in the world ?
Hundreds, but my favourite is toffee Begian waffle and ice cream in my Gobi... :yum:
Why are they called holdalls when they don't ?
Hundreds, but my favourite is toffee Begian waffle and ice cream in my Gobi... :yum:
Why are they called holdalls when they don't ?
They would holdall mine (aint got a lot i am a poor Yorkshire man)
Why does the world spin at 35000 MPH ?
Malteser Monkey
25-08-2013, 17:46
They would holdall mine (aint got a lot i am a poor Yorkshire man)
Why does the world spin at 35000 MPH ?
That's not the world that's your washing machine......wrong thread lucky
Why does fine rain soak you through ?:D
That's not the world that's your washing machine......wrong thread lucky
Why does fine rain soak you through ?:D
Coz it's bloody wet that's why ! huh women ! :wave:
Why do monkeys like their nuts ?
Coz it's bloody wet that's why ! huh women ! :wave:
Why do monkeys like their nuts ?
I think it's because it's their version of our meat & 2 veg...:laugh:
At the supermarket checkout that says "8 items or less"....can you take a dozen eggs through?..........
I think it's because it's their version of our meat & 2 veg...:laugh:
At the supermarket checkout that says "8 items or less"....can you take a dozen eggs through?..........
I would imagine that to be ok .Malteser monkey usually gets a case of wine through with no problems
Did the Americans really make it to the moon ?
I would imagine that to be ok .Malteser monkey usually gets a case of wine through with no problems
Did the Americans really make it to the moon ?
Not if you believe the conspiracy theorists, and there are quite a few. There's some very convincing stuff on Youtube including quite a lot about Stanley Kubrick who is rumored to have overseen the fake moon filmshots. Lots of little (and some big) hints in his film The Shining.
Do Judges ever have to do Jury service?........
starling
26-08-2013, 20:43
Not if you believe the conspiracy theorists, and there are quite a few. There's some very convincing stuff on Youtube including quite a lot about Stanley Kubrick who is rumored to have overseen the fake moon filmshots. Lots of little (and some big) hints in his film The Shining.
Do Judges ever have to do Jury service?........
.....Answer: Only in Jury's Inn
.....Question: If Scarecrow hasn't Got a brain, how does he know he hasn't got a brain?
.....Answer: Only in Jury's Inn
.....Question: If Scarecrow hasn't Got a brain, how does he know he hasn't got a brain?
He uses aSTRAWnomy
Why are mules made from cows ?
starling
27-08-2013, 07:47
He uses aSTRAWnomy
Why are mules made from cows ?
So you can MOOve around.
How will you know if you've led a full life?
So you can MOOve around.
How will you know if you've led a full life?
If you don't get fooled again
Do you know the way to San Jose ?
starling
27-08-2013, 08:19
If you don't get fooled again
Do you know the way to San Jose ?
Go West!
Is it true Canibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Go West!
Is it true Canibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Apparently it's only their elbows
Have you ever been to Benidorm ?
Apparently it's only their elbows
Have you ever been to Benidorm ?
I have never been , But i do know people who have returned safely
Is there more or less water on our planet than there was 2 million years ago ?
I have never been , But i do know people who have returned safely
Is there more or less water on our planet than there was 2 million years ago ?
More or less, yes.
Was Little Red Riding Hood's granny really that ugly ?
More or less, yes.
Was Little Red Riding Hood's granny really that ugly ?
Not in them X rated movies i have seen
Is Muffin the Mule legal ?
Not in them X rated movies i have seen
Is Muffin the Mule legal ?
Only if you are wearing a donkey jacket at the time
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Only if you are wearing a donkey jacket at the time
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
I think that is where you are mixing love with lust !
What was a tuppenny upright ?
Jumpinjax
27-08-2013, 12:39
Only if you are wearing a donkey jacket at the time
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Lingerie is a wrapper to the goodies underneath.
Why do you never see a hearse in a petrol station?
Lingerie is a wrapper to the goodies underneath.
Why do you never see a hearse in a petrol station?
I have just seen one
https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/993790_4431624923871_202882371_n.jpg
What was a tuppenny upright ?
I have just seen one
https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/993790_4431624923871_202882371_n.jpg
What was a tuppenny upright ?
Sounds like a cheap date in an entry !!
If you don’t pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?
Jumpinjax
27-08-2013, 12:51
I have just seen one
https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/993790_4431624923871_202882371_n.jpg
What was a tuppenny upright ?
A cheap piano
Why do pianos have a lock , when the keys are underneath the lid?
A cheap piano
Why do pianos have a lock , when the keys are underneath the lid?
Because the French don't know la difference between a key and a clef
Do pyromaniacs wear blazers?
Jumpinjax
27-08-2013, 13:55
Because the French don't know la difference between a key and a clef
Do pyromaniacs wear blazers?
Only for a hot date
Why do women have small feet?
Only for a hot date
Why do women have small feet?
So they can get nearer the sink
Can we spell creativity however we want?
starling
27-08-2013, 16:41
So they can get nearer the sink
Can we spell creativity however we want?
That's four words.
Why do ducks quack?
That's four words.
Why do ducks quack?
Because The Bingley Evening Echo as sold out.
Who said. Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life ?
Because The Bingley Evening Echo as sold out.
Who said. Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life ?
The Queen
If the president were gay, would his husband be the first man?
The Queen
If the president were gay, would his husband be the first man?
This would set a precedant , That is the president of course.
Why is a Boxing ring square ?
This would set a precedant , That is the president of course.
Why is a Boxing ring square ?
There's no corners in a circle
It it’s tourist season why can’t we shoot them?
starling
29-08-2013, 07:49
There's no corners in a circle
It it’s tourist season why can’t we shoot them?
You can....you just need a camera.
In the theatre of cinema, which armrest is yours?
Jumpinjax
29-08-2013, 11:29
You can....you just need a camera.
In the theatre of cinema, which armrest is yours?
Both......
When I drop my toast , why does it always land butter side down?
Both......
When I drop my toast , why does it always land butter side down?
bread and toast don't always land butter or jam side down - they sometimes do and they sometimes don't, depending on circumstances.
How many square miles is Tenerife ?
bread and toast don't always land butter or jam side down - they sometimes do and they sometimes don't, depending on circumstances.
How many square miles is Tenerife ?
Not a round number
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the others drown too?
Jumpinjax
29-08-2013, 14:12
Not a round number
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the others drown too?
Only if they pull their nose clips off.....
Why do synchronized swimmers all look the same?
Only if they pull their nose clips off.....
Why do synchronized swimmers all look the same?
They are Chinese
Are the good things that come to people who wait, the leftovers of people who went before them?
starling
29-08-2013, 18:00
They are Chinese
Are the good things that come to people who wait, the leftovers of people who went before them?
No they are the waiters.
If Jimmy cracks corn and nobody cares why is there a song about him?
No they are the waiters.
If Jimmy cracks corn and nobody cares why is there a song about him?
Because corn goes pop when it's popcorn and pop is a type of music, therefore it would certainly seem fitting that a song should be written about this cracking individual. In fact I do believe that the tune Popcorn by Hot Butter was also written for Jimmy.
Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?
starling
30-08-2013, 07:19
Because corn goes pop when it's popcorn and pop is a type of music, therefore it would certainly seem fitting that a song should be written about this cracking individual. In fact I do believe that the tune Popcorn by Hot Butter was also written for Jimmy.
Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?
Because usually, indoors they are made of wood, and outside stone, metal or concrete. But, that doesn't explain why a pair of steps which can be used inside or out can be made of wood or metal???
Why do they sterilise needles for lethal injections?
Because usually, indoors they are made of wood, and outside stone, metal or concrete. But, that doesn't explain why a pair of steps which can be used inside or out can be made of wood or metal???
Why do they sterilise needles for lethal injections?
We would not want anybody suffering would we.
Why is Google my friend ?
We would not want anybody suffering would we.
Why is Google my friend ?
Coz nobody else is ?? ............:laugh: ...
Where is the end of the rainbow?
starling
10-09-2013, 13:35
Coz nobody else is ?? ............:laugh: ...
Where is the end of the rainbow?
:singing: Somewhere over the rainbow. :singing:
Why is Greenland called green when it's covered in ice?
:singing: Somewhere over the rainbow. :singing:
Why is Greenland called green when it's covered in ice?
When it was discovered it was all grass and the lawnmower had not been invented
Why are there more questions than anwsers ?
Ecky Thump
10-09-2013, 13:43
When it was discovered it was all grass and the lawnmower had not been invented
Why are there more questions than anwsers ?
Because some questions don't deserve a answer.:spin:
Why do people ask stupid questions that have no answer?
starling
10-09-2013, 15:34
Because some questions don't deserve a answer.:spin:
Why do people ask stupid questions that have no answer?
Because some stupid people ask questions that have no answer?
What colour would a Smurf turn if you choked it?
Purple
Why did Dr Foster go to Gloucester ?
Purple
Why did Dr Foster go to Gloucester ?
Because he had only one patient to make a house call to
Why do syrian hackers want to gain access to the Tenerife forum for ?
Malteser Monkey
12-09-2013, 13:23
Because he had only one patient to make a house call to
Why do syrian hackers want to gain access to the Tenerife forum for ?
To wish me a Happy Birthday :laugh:
Will it be raining in Tenerife in November a friend is asking
To wish me a Happy Birthday :laugh:
Will it be raining in Tenerife in November a friend is asking
Only if he/she is fairweather friend
Why am I so good natured ?
starling
16-09-2013, 20:16
Only if he/she is fairweather friend
Why am I so good natured ?
Because you are.
Why are Pirates called Pirates........Because they aaaarrrrhhhh.
Because you are.
Why are Pirates called Pirates........Because they aaaarrrrhhhh.
Hey, we are are supposed to answer your questions, not you !! :redcard:
Why did you do that ?
starling
17-09-2013, 14:27
Hey, we are are supposed to answer your questions, not you !! :redcard:
Why did you do that ?
Because it's my birthday and I can do whatever I want. :raspberry:
If money doesn't grow on trees why do banks have branches?
Because it's my birthday and I can do whatever I want. :raspberry:
If money doesn't grow on trees why do banks have branches?
They haven't twigged that one yet
Why did I miss your birthday announcement ? (answers on a fiver please)
starling
17-09-2013, 16:00
They haven't twigged that one yet
Why did I miss your birthday announcement ? (answers on a fiver please)
You must have been pre-occupied !!!!!
Despite the cost of living, why does it remain so popular?
You must have been pre-occupied !!!!!
Despite the cost of living, why does it remain so popular?
I was dieing to ask that one
Why are you not out celebrating ?
starling
17-09-2013, 16:10
I was dieing to ask that one
Why are you not out celebrating ?
Later mm, later.
How does skating on thin ice get you into hot water?
Later mm, later.
How does skating on thin ice get you into hot water?
If you are skating over a geezer
Why do they call it debriefing ?
starling
17-09-2013, 16:25
If you are skating over a geezer
Why do they call it debriefing ?
It makes a change from undressing
Why don't crematoriums give discounts for those that died in fires?
It makes a change from undressing
Why don't crematoriums give discounts for those that died in fires?
That's the burning question
What's Noddy's surname ?
starling
17-09-2013, 20:55
That's the burning question
What's Noddy's surname ?
Holder
If the people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't the people from Holland called Holes?
Holder
If the people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't the people from Holland called Holes?
Coz they are not deep enough
What do the Dutch call lesbians ?
starling
17-09-2013, 21:36
Coz they are not deep enough
What do the Dutch call lesbians ?
Lesbiennes
What do you call male ballerinas?
Lesbiennes
What do you call male ballerinas?
Don't know, never wanted to talk to one
Can a woodchuck really chuck wood ?
starling
17-09-2013, 21:42
Don't know, never wanted to talk to one
Can a woodchuck really chuck wood ?
Only if a pheasant plucker can pluck pheasants.
If quizzes are quizzical what are tests?
Only if a pheasant plucker can pluck pheasants.
If quizzes are quizzical what are tests?
testing testing 1 - 2, all present and correct
Do bookworms only read gardening books ?
starling
17-09-2013, 21:53
testing testing 1 - 2, all present and correct
Do bookworms only read gardening books ?
Only if they're slow.....
Why do people ask silly questions?
Only if they're slow.....
Why do people ask silly questions?
So Starling can understand them :tongue:
If money makes the World go round, where's the slot ?
starling
18-09-2013, 08:21
So Starling can understand them :tongue:
If money makes the World go round, where's the slot ?
If you don't know by now mm you never will.
If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
If you don't know by now mm you never will.
If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
Baby oilskins
If all the world’s a stage, where does the audience sit?
starling
18-09-2013, 09:04
Baby oilskins
If all the world’s a stage, where does the audience sit?
On the edge.
Why is a person who handles money called a broker?
On the edge.
Why is a person who handles money called a broker?
Coz they break the bank
Why is £25 called a pony ?
starling
18-09-2013, 17:16
Coz they break the bank
Why is £25 called a pony ?
Because £500 is a monkey
Why do you want to know?
Because £500 is a monkey
Why do you want to know?
I'm thinking of buying a 25 pound pony.
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
starling
19-09-2013, 08:15
I'm thinking of buying a 25 pound pony.
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
They can't do, otherwise they wouldn't grow up
Who do all the odd shoes found on the roads and motorways belong to?
They can't do, otherwise they wouldn't grow up
Who do all the odd shoes found on the roads and motorways belong to?
The Long John Silver impersonators society
What happens when you get ‘half scared to death’ twice?
starling
19-09-2013, 17:10
The Long John Silver impersonators society
What happens when you get ‘half scared to death’ twice?
They make a film called 'You only die twice'
Where do all the sounds go when you've heard them?
They make a film called 'You only die twice'
Where do all the sounds go when you've heard them?
BBC2
Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni?
starling
19-09-2013, 17:28
BBC2
Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni?
Because he was Dyslexic and kept saying 'Yank my doodle its a Dandy'
Why do Lumberjacks wear checked shirts.
Because he was Dyslexic and kept saying 'Yank my doodle its a Dandy'
Why do Lumberjacks wear checked shirts.
To hide their frilly liberty bodices
What if Batman gets bitten by a vampire?
starling
19-09-2013, 17:35
To hide their frilly liberty bodices
What if Batman gets bitten by a vampire?
Same as when a snake bites it's lip
Do crocodiles suffer from heartburn?
Same as when a snake bites it's lip
Do crocodiles suffer from heartburn?
Only in Galviston
Why don’t you ever see ads for advertising companies?
starling
25-09-2013, 08:09
Only in Galviston
Why don’t you ever see ads for advertising companies?
I don't know?
Why don't we see ads for advertising companies?
- - - - - - - - - - merged double post - - - - - - - - - -
Only in Galviston
Why don’t you ever see ads for advertising companies?
I don't know?
Why don't we see ads for advertising companies?
I don't know?
Why don't we see ads for advertising companies?
- - - - - - - - - - merged double post - - - - - - - - - -
I don't know?
Why don't we see ads for advertising companies?
Coz they won't pay the high prices
Where do broken promises get repaired ?
starling
26-09-2013, 07:58
Coz they won't pay the high prices
Where do broken promises get repaired ?
Same place as broken hearts
Is there really a doll's hospital?
- - - - - - - - - - merged double post - - - - - - - - - -
Coz they won't pay the high prices
Where do broken promises get repaired ?
Same place as broken hearts
Is there really a doll's hospital?
Same place as broken hearts
Is there really a doll's hospital?
- - - - - - - - - - merged double post - - - - - - - - - -
Same place as broken hearts
Is there really a doll's hospital?
Yes, Cliff Richard is the patron
Why do we say we are going down south when some of the route is uphill ?
- - - - - - - - - - merged double post - - - - - - - - - -
Same place as broken hearts
Is there really a doll's hospital?
- - - - - - - - - - merged double post - - - - - - - - - -
Same place as broken hearts
Is there really a doll's hospital?
Yes, Cliff Richard is the patron
Why do we say we are going down south when some of the route is uphill ?
starling
01-10-2013, 08:27
Yes, Cliff Richard is the patron
Why do we say we are going down south when some of the route is uphill ?
- - - - - - - - - - merged double post - - - - - - - - - -
Yes, Cliff Richard is the patron
Why do we say we are going down south when some of the route is uphill ?
For the same reason: you're standing at a door ready to knock, then someone knocks on the inside, and you shout come in.
When will the penny drop?
For the same reason: you're standing at a door ready to knock, then someone knocks on the inside, and you shout come in.
When will the penny drop?
When you have a hole in your pocket
What disease did cured ham actually have?
starling
08-10-2013, 13:47
When you have a hole in your pocket
What disease did cured ham actually have?
Burnt Hocks
If you record silence on a tape and then play it back with the volume all the way up, will that drown out the noise in the room?
Burnt Hocks
If you record silence on a tape and then play it back with the volume all the way up, will that drown out the noise in the room?
The Tremeloes say YES
Why did the chewing gum cross the road ?
starling
09-10-2013, 09:30
The Tremeloes say YES
Why did the chewing gum cross the road ?
Because it was stuck to the bottom of the chicken's foot.
Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? :singing:
Because it was stuck to the bottom of the chicken's foot.
Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? :singing:
Coz I'm irresistible
Why don't you believe me ?
starling
10-10-2013, 20:14
Coz I'm irresistible
Why don't you believe me ?
..... I believe I can fly :singing:
Should I stay or should I go :singing:
..... I believe I can fly :singing:
Should I stay or should I go :singing:
Baby come back .. :singing:
Where do you go to my lovely? .. :singing:
starling
11-10-2013, 08:54
Baby come back .. :singing:
Where do you go to my lovely? .. :singing:
.....'Up where we belong' :singing:
.....'Up where we belong' :singing:
Where's your musical influenced question ? (that's not my question) do you understand ? (that's not my question either)
starling
11-10-2013, 20:17
Where's your musical influenced question ? (that's not my question) do you understand ? (that's not my question either)
..... You're on the wrong thread if you want a music question.... Or are you having a senior moment MM?
..... You're on the wrong thread if you want a music question.... Or are you having a senior moment MM?
Not me wee birdy. That's just the way the thread was going until you forgot to ask ANY question never mind a musical influenced one ya numpty .:raspberry2:
starling
14-10-2013, 07:22
Not me wee birdy. That's just the way the thread was going until you forgot to ask ANY question never mind a musical influenced one ya numpty .:raspberry2:
A: Who's a numpty?
Q: What's a musical influenced numpty? ??? :crazy: :confused:
A: Who's a numpty?
Q: What's a musical influenced numpty? ??? :crazy: :confused:
Certainly not you
Why are you not playing mental leapfrog with me the way you used to ?
starling
15-10-2013, 19:22
Certainly not you
Why are you not playing mental leapfrog with me the way you used to ?
I'm trying to finish a book I've been writing, so have been having to give it most of my time. I've not been down to Tenerife for some months! Been to other places but not T/rife. My o/h is down there now, enjoying the lovely warmth and sunshine. Ah well, such is life.
While watching a football match, do you really know what is going on or do you sometimes fake it?
I'm trying to finish a book I've been writing, so have been having to give it most of my time. I've not been down to Tenerife for some months! Been to other places but not T/rife. My o/h is down there now, enjoying the lovely warmth and sunshine. Ah well, such is life.
While watching a football match, do you really know what is going on or do you sometimes fake it?
That depends on what I'm doing while watching the football !! .. :whistle:
When is your book out you wise old wordsmith ?
starling
16-10-2013, 13:47
That depends on what I'm doing while watching the football !! .. :whistle:
When is your book out you wise old wordsmith ?
Some decisions to be made as to whether it would be best split into two, or even more follow-ups( editorial opinion). Some publishers today want at least three books from writers. I'm not sure I want further challenges of writing full length stories? Might have done it a few years ago, but now I feel I've too many miles on the clock. Have got a couple of meetings to discuss further, so we'll see.
As for the football question, I suppose you're talking about different penalty areas :eyebrows:
Some decisions to be made as to whether it would be best split into two, or even more follow-ups( editorial opinion). Some publishers today want at least three books from writers. I'm not sure I want further challenges of writing full length stories? Might have done it a few years ago, but now I feel I've too many miles on the clock. Have got a couple of meetings to discuss further, so we'll see.
As for the football question, I suppose you're talking about different penalty areas :eyebrows:
Are you going to call your book "First of the Winter Wine" ? .... :respect:
starling
16-10-2013, 20:24
Are you going to call your book "First of the Winter Wine" ? .... :respect:
Now there's a thought :idea:
How about: Secret lives of the Scots (I am a Campbell by birth don't forget) or: What Lies Beneath The Kilt.
Now there's a thought :idea:
How about: Secret lives of the Scots (I am a Campbell by birth don't forget) or: What Lies Beneath The Kilt.
That should raise a few eyebrows ... :eyebrows::eyebrows::eyebrows::eyebrows::eyebrows: :eyebrows: . Told you !
starling
17-10-2013, 14:05
That should raise a few eyebrows ... :eyebrows::eyebrows::eyebrows::eyebrows::eyebrows: :eyebrows: . Told you !
:eyebrows: :eyebrows: :eyebrows: :eyebrows: At least!
:eyebrows: :eyebrows: :eyebrows: :eyebrows: At least!
Nothing should be worn under the kilt. It should be kept in good working order .......... :scotland:
starling
17-10-2013, 17:42
Nothing should be worn under the kilt. It should be kept in good working order .......... :scotland:
Well you know they say..... Use it or lose it :eyebrows:
Well you know they say..... Use it or lose it :eyebrows:
Where have all the flowers gone ?
starling
19-10-2013, 19:41
Where have all the flowers gone ?
Dunno... Long time passing.... Ask Peter Paul and Mary.
Where have all the cheap flights gone?
Dunno... Long time passing.... Ask Peter Paul and Mary.
Where have all the cheap flights gone?
to someone else and not me
why is it 0136 now when it says post today 01.42 ?
to someone else and not me
why is it 0136 now when it says post today 01.42 ?
Something to do with the offset equilibrium of the untangible meridian and the major lunar fluctuations.. :crazy:
Do you wanna dance ?
Something to do with the offset equilibrium of the untangible meridian and the major lunar fluctuations.. :crazy:
Do you wanna dance ?
excuse me (dance)
What are your bank details ?
excuse me (dance)
What are your bank details ?
Big sandstone building in the High Street
Can you jump higher than your height ?
Big sandstone building in the High Street
Can you jump higher than your height ?
Have just done that because you post gave me a fright
Where is the biggest flat acreage space in tenerife ?
starling
21-10-2013, 07:14
Have just done that because you post gave me a fright
Where is the biggest flat acreage space in tenerife ?
The Atlantic Ocean
Why did you want to know?
The Atlantic Ocean
Why did you want to know?
I am looking for a place to play an international marbles competion, appartently the Greeks want a neutral area to play for the Elgin marbles.
what surprises will today spring on us ?
I am looking for a place to play an international marbles competion, appartently the Greeks want a neutral area to play for the Elgin marbles.
what surprises will today spring on us ?
An International Underwater Marbles Championship
What's the story, morning glory ?
starling
21-10-2013, 13:24
An International Underwater Marbles Championship
What's the story, morning glory ?
Can't tell you, it's afternoon now
Have you still got your marbles?
Can't tell you, it's afternoon now
Have you still got your marbles?
Long gone ... :crazy:
What goes up a chimney down but can't go down a chimney up ?
Malteser Monkey
21-10-2013, 14:21
una paragua:D
where is everybody ?
una paragua:D
where is everybody ?
Where they belong
Is a paragua the same as a para sol ? or is it the beer sponsored equivalent ?
Malteser Monkey
21-10-2013, 14:42
as in your Avatar ! and Evian:D
So they're in the Pub ?
as in your Avatar ! and Evian:D
So they're in the Pub ?
Hope not, can't condone that sort of frivolous behavior at this time of day (ie. I want to be there)
Where are you ?
Malteser Monkey
21-10-2013, 14:55
Not in the pub - am here !
is it home time yet ?
Not in the pub - am here !
is it home time yet ?
I hope not I work from home
Why can't I win the lottery ?
Malteser Monkey
21-10-2013, 15:22
coz I'm going to
is it raining there ?
coz I'm going to
is it raining there ?
Yes, I can see the drops on my pool
What time do you finish ?
Malteser Monkey
21-10-2013, 16:06
Pool Cue :fpull:
why are you giving me a lift ?
Pool Cue :fpull:
why are you giving me a lift ?
No, too busy clearing the leaves from my pool
Why don't you walk ?
Malteser Monkey
21-10-2013, 16:13
No, too busy clearing the leaves from my pool
Why don't you walk ?
23 miles ?
is it heated ?
23 miles ?
is it heated ?
Only when the lights are on
Have you ever thought of running a marathon ?
starling
22-10-2013, 07:21
Only when the lights are on
Have you ever thought of running a marathon ?
No but I've got the T shirt
Why do fools fall in love?
No but I've got the T shirt
Why do fools fall in love?
Coz they don't know any better ... :stupid:
Do you believe in mediums ?
starling
22-10-2013, 10:18
Coz they don't know any better ... :stupid:
Do you believe in mediums ?
..... Nah, all or nothing
Do you believe in ghosts?
..... Nah, all or nothing
Do you believe in ghosts?
Only at Halloween ... :ghost::ghost::ghost::ghost::5zombie::5zombie::5zo mbie::5zombie::pumpkin::pumpkin::pumpkin::pumpkin: :witch::witch::witch::witch:
Do you dress up at Halloween ?
Only at Halloween ... :ghost::ghost::ghost::ghost::5zombie::5zombie::5zo mbie::5zombie::pumpkin::pumpkin::pumpkin::pumpkin: :witch::witch::witch::witch:
Do you dress up at Halloween ?
No with my face and dress sense i scare the kids the whole year round
Trick or Treat ?
No with my face and dress sense i scare the kids the whole year round
Trick or Treat ?
Treat every time
Why have kid's costume's improved but their party pieces have got worse ?
Treat every time
Why have kid's costume's improved but their party pieces have got worse ?
That will be put down as The Only Way Is Essex
What would you like for your adult treat ?
That will be put down as The Only Way Is Essex
What would you like for your adult treat ?
A Goverment that will make this country great again.
Any chance of this happening ?
A Goverment that will make this country great again.
Any chance of this happening ?
Yes come the revolution! or is it Devilution!
Country great Again would that be Yorkshire :devil2: Or Scotland ?
:flatcap:
starling
22-10-2013, 14:31
Yes come the revolution! or is it Devilution!
Country great Again would that be Yorkshire :devil2: Or Scotland ?
:flatcap:
This is difficult for me....Born in Yorkshire to Scottish parents ???
This is difficult for me....Born in Yorkshire to Scottish parents ???
Yes
was that a question or a statement ?
Yes
was that a question or a statement ?
We are awe Jock Tamson's bairns
When does the revolution start ?
We are awe Jock Tamson's bairns
When does the revolution start ?
2030
When will it end?
starling
25-10-2013, 20:19
2030
When will it end?
When we've supped up.
Is this the beginning?
When we've supped up.
Is this the beginning?
Yes but only if its your round
Can you clear the snooker table ?
starling
25-10-2013, 22:01
Yes but only if its your round
Can you clear the snooker table ?
Yep ... While wearing a blindfold and boxing gloves.
can you pick yourself up in a bucket.
Yep ... While wearing a blindfold and boxing gloves.
can you pick yourself up in a bucket.
Yes, but not after having one
Do Right Wingers fly round in circles ?
starling
26-10-2013, 11:50
Yes, but not after having one
Do Right Wingers fly round in circles ?
Yes, and dyslexic ones make figure eights
Do south paws hit below the belt?
Yes, and dyslexic ones make figure eights
Do south paws hit below the belt?
Only when fighting Simon Cowell
Why is it called a "drive through" if you have to stop?
starling
26-10-2013, 14:27
Only when fighting Simon Cowell
Why is it called a "drive through" if you have to stop?
Since when???
Don't you ever eat on the hoof.
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