View Full Version : Five rules to remember in life...
1. Money cannot buy happiness but its more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy but remember the *******s name.
3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because its illegal to shoot them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.
Thought I should add a little Zen here - I particularly like 13 and 14 :)
The Zen of Sarcasm
01. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the heck alone.
02. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
03. Its always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
04. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
05. Always remember that you ‘re unique. Just like everyone else.
06. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
07. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
08. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
09. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.
12. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
13. Some days you’re the bug; some days you’re the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct tape is like ‘The Force’. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
19. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.
20. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Thought I should add a little Zen here - I particularly like 13 and 14 :)
The Zen of Sarcasm
01. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the heck alone.
02. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
03. Its always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
04. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
05. Always remember that you ‘re unique. Just like everyone else.
06. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
07. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
08. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
09. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.
12. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
13. Some days you’re the bug; some days you’re the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct tape is like ‘The Force’. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
19. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.
20. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Nice one Doreen and so true
Ecky Thump
24-08-2011, 09:14
I would imagine that there are a few forum members in the past that wish they had thought of number 16 or 21 of Doreens list before they posted........
16. A closed mouth carries no foot.
21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
:crylaughing:
onelegnofeet
24-08-2011, 09:25
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
:bootyshake::crylaughing::crylaughing::crylaughing :Not the only thing D
I would imagine that there are a few forum members in the past that wish they had thought of number 16 or 21 of Doreens list before they posted........
16. A closed mouth carries no foot.
21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
:crylaughing:
There should be another on that list;
23. Cross Maxine at your peril, she is worse than a rabid rottweiller when she reads unpleasant things about herself and enjoys getting revenge...
bonitatime
24-08-2011, 10:36
I liked 11
I liked 11
Have you some candidates in mind for your 20 dollars :lol:
Have you some candidates in mind for your 20 dollars :lol:
I've got about $200 here to hand out to the candidates I have in mind... ;)
I've got about $200 here to hand out to the candidates I have in mind... ;)
Come on Max you would wipe the whole lot out:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Come on Max you would wipe the whole lot out:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
That's my intention... :whistle:
YOUNG GOLFER
24-08-2011, 13:07
My go now.
1.You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
2.Smile when picking up the phone, the caller will hear it in your voice.
3.If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you're living. That is wealth's greatest satisfaction.
4.Get a dog.
A dog loves you unconditionally. A dog thinks you are the greatest, coolest, smartest, most successful person in the world. Get a dog and work hard to live up to its expectations.
5.Never explain yourself to anyone because the person who likes you doesn't need it and the person who dislikes you won’t believe it.
This I found very funny.
Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words:
Don't pick that up. You don't know where it's been.
KirstyJay
24-08-2011, 19:10
Thought I should add a little Zen here - I particularly like 13 and 14 :)
Oh, my favourite was this one
The Zen of Sarcasm
22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
:rofl:
Oh, my favourite was this one
:rofl:
Been there, done that.... Messy! :D
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