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Thread: Tenerife Forum joke thread: Post all your jokes here

  1. #1281
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    Re: Tenerife Forum joke thread: Post all your jokes here

    the doc said to me do you smoke i said no he said does your wife i said not so much now we smear vaseline on her knees and elbows

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  4. #1282
    ALWAYS WRONG (wife says) Ecky Thump's Avatar

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    Re: Tenerife Forum joke thread: Post all your jokes here

    .

    A Los Cristianos man calls his son in Edinburgh the day before Christmas Eve and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; thirty years of misery is enough."
    "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
    "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you can call your sister in Birmingham and tell her "
    Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like hell they're getting divorced," she shouts. "I'll take care of this."
    She calls home immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both fly out there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
    The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're both coming for Christmas - and they're paying their own way."
    Live your life so that even the undertaker is sad to see you die.

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  6. #1283
    Super Tenerifian imablue's Avatar

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    Re: Tenerife Forum joke thread: Post all your jokes here

    Midwife for sale..
    Can deliver.....

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  8. #1284
    ALWAYS WRONG (wife says) Ecky Thump's Avatar

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    Re: Tenerife Forum joke thread: Post all your jokes here

    .


    Just remeber that if you are feeling worthless and redundant in life,......that it only takes one of your pubic hairs to shut down a Jamie Oliver restaurant.
    Live your life so that even the undertaker is sad to see you die.

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  10. #1285
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    Re: Tenerife Forum joke thread: Post all your jokes here

    dropped my phone in the bath now its ringing wet

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    ALWAYS WRONG (wife says) Ecky Thump's Avatar

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    Re: Tenerife Forum joke thread: Post all your jokes here

    .
    A husband buys his son a iPAD, daughter a iPOD, himself a iPHONE and his wife a iRON, she wasn't impressed with this, even after he explained that it can be integrated with iWASH, iCLEAN and the iCOOK network.
    This immediately triggered the iNAG service, which totally wiped out the iSHAG service!
    Live your life so that even the undertaker is sad to see you die.

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    Re: Tenerife Forum joke thread: Post all your jokes here

    .

    Sorry, but I need to vent!!!!

    I experienced the WORST customer service the other day at a store in Glasgow, at this time, I don't want to mention the name of the store because I'm not sure how I'm going to proceed. Friday evening(yesterday) I bought something from this store. I paid cash for it. I took it home and found out it didn't work. So today/this morning, less than 24 hours later I took it back to the store and asked if I could get a refund. The girl in the store told me NO even though I still had the receipt. I asked if I could get a replacement instead then.
    Again this person told me "NO." I asked to talk to a manager now as I'm really not happy and I explained that I had just bought the item, had got it home and it didn't work. The manager just smiled and told me to my face that I was "OUT OF LUCK." No refund. No FREE replacement. Grrrrrrrrr.
    I'll tell you what...I am NEVER buying another Lottery Ticket from there again!
    Live your life so that even the undertaker is sad to see you die.

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    Re: Tenerife Forum joke thread: Post all your jokes here

    my wife hates it when i mess with her red wine so i put lemonade and fruit in it now she sangria than ever

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    Super Tenerifian imablue's Avatar

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    Re: Tenerife Forum joke thread: Post all your jokes here

    Three ladies are chipping up to the fourth hole at River Hill Golf Club when a naked man wearing a paper bag over his head jumps from the trees and runs across the green.

    The three ladies stand in awe at the size of his manhood.

    The first lady says, 'He is definitely not my husband.'
    The second lady, gazes at his manhood and says, 'He is not mine either.'

    After a very considerable inspection, the third lady finally says,

    'He's not even a member of this golf club'

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  20. #1290
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    Re: Tenerife Forum joke thread: Post all your jokes here

    An actual tweet from Chicago :

    "I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant but apparently it just changes the color of the baby."

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