Page 121 of 130 FirstFirst ... 2171111119120121122123 ... LastLast
Results 1,201 to 1,210 of 1291

Thread: Tenerife Forum joke thread: Post all your jokes here

  1. #1201
    Super Tenerifian Tshirt's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2013
    Gender:
    Location
    Oldham
    Posts
    4,443

    Re: Tenerife Forum joke thread: Post all your jokes here

    A 25-year-old Jewish girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period
    for 2 months.
    Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit.
    The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
    Shouting and crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this
    to you? I want to know!" Without answering, the girl picks up the
    phone and makes a call.
    Half an hour later, a Mercedes stops in front of their house.... A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and wearing a yarmulke steps out of the car and enters the house.
    He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them, "Your daughter has informed me of the problem.
    I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.
    "Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath two retail furniture stores, a deli , a condo in Miami , and a $1,000,000 bank account....
    "If a boy is born, my legacy will be a chain of jewelry stores and a $25,000,000 bank account."
    "However, if there is a miscarriage , I'm not sure what to do. What do you suggest?"
    At this point, the mother placed a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and told him,
    "You'll f**k her again!"
    Ted

  2. #1202
    Super Tenerifian Tshirt's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2013
    Gender:
    Location
    Oldham
    Posts
    4,443

    Re: Tenerife Forum joke thread: Post all your jokes here

    Paddy takes two stuffed dogs on to the Antique Roadshow.

    "Ohh," said the presenter, "This is a very rare set, produced by the celebrated Johns Brothers Taxidermists who operated in London at the turn of the 19th century. Do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?"

    "Sticks!" Paddy replied.


    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
    Ted

  3. #1203
    Super Tenerifian Tshirt's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2013
    Gender:
    Location
    Oldham
    Posts
    4,443

    Re: Tenerife Forum joke thread: Post all your jokes here

    A guy was in a bar, about as drunk as it's possible to get.
    A group of guys notice his condition and decide to be good
    Samaritans and take him home.
    First, they stand him up to get to his wallet, so they can
    find out where he lives, but he keeps falling down.
    He fell down eight more times on the way to the car,
    each time with a real thud.
    After they get to his house, he falls down another four times
    getting him to the door.
    His wife comes to the door, and one guy says,
    "We brought your husband home."
    The wife asks, “Where's his wheelchair?
    Ted

  4. #1204
    Moderate Tenerifian warbey's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2011
    Gender:
    Location
    North Wales borders
    Posts
    4,837

    Re: Tenerife Forum joke thread: Post all your jokes here

    Next Sunday is Orgasm Day.


    are You coming?

  5. #1205
    Member

    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Gender:
    Location
    San Eugenio
    Posts
    99

    Re: Tenerife Forum joke thread: Post all your jokes here

    I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way.

    So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

  6. #1206
    Super Tenerifian Tshirt's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2013
    Gender:
    Location
    Oldham
    Posts
    4,443

    Tenerife Forum joke thread: Post all your jokes here

    A group of four year old were trying very hard to become accustomed to school. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk!
    "You need to use 'Big People' words," she was always reminding them. "John what did you do over the weekend?"
    "I went to visit my Nana."
    "No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use 'Big People' words!" She then asked Mitchell what he had done.
    "I took a ride on a choo-choo."
    "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use 'Big People' words," she said. She then asked little Alex what he had done.
    "I read a book," he replied.
    "That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?"
    Alex thought very hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride and said, "Winnie the s**.t"


    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
    Ted

  7. #1207
    Super Tenerifian Tshirt's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2013
    Gender:
    Location
    Oldham
    Posts
    4,443

    Re: Tenerife Forum joke thread: Post all your jokes here

    ........
    Ted

  8. #1208
    Super Tenerifian Tshirt's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2013
    Gender:
    Location
    Oldham
    Posts
    4,443

    Re: Tenerife Forum joke thread: Post all your jokes here

    A man goes to the doctor feeling very ill.The doctor checks him over and says, “I'm Sorry, I have some bad news, you have Yellow 24, a really nasty virus.It's called Yellow 24, because it turns your blood yellow and you usually only have 24 hours to live.There's no known cure, so just go home and enjoy your final precious moments on earth.”So he trudges home to his wife and breaks the bad news.Distraught, she asks him to go to the bingo with her that evening as he's never been there with her before.They arrive at the bingo and with his first card he gets four corners and wins £50.Then, with the same card, he gets a line and wins £350.Then he gets the full house and wins £1000.Then the National Game comes up and he wins that as well - winning £400,000!The bingo caller gets him up on stage and says,“Son, I've been here 20 years and I've never seen anyone win four corners, a line, the full house and the National Game on the same card. You must be the luckiest man on Earth!”“Lucky?” the bloke screams, “Lucky? I'll have you know I've got Yellow 24.”“Bugger me,” says the bingo caller, “You've won the raffle as well!”


    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
    Ted

  9. #1209

    Re: Tenerife Forum joke thread: Post all your jokes here

    The banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty-year old rancher, in town.

    Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumour had it that he was marrying a 'mail order' bride.

    Being a good friend, the banker asked Tom if the rumour was true.

    Tom assured him that it was. The banker then asked Tom the age of his new bride to be.

    Tom proudly said, 'She'll be twenty-one in November.'

    Now the banker, being the wise man that he was, could see that the sexual appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an eighty-year- old man.

    Wanting his old friend's remaining years to be happy the banker tactfully suggested that Tom should consider getting a hired hand to help him out on the ranch, knowing nature would take its own course.

    Tom thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one that afternoon.

    About four months later, the banker ran into Tom in town again.

    'How's the new wife?', asked the banker.

    Tom proudly said, 'Good - she's pregnant.'

    The banker, happy that his sage advice had worked out, continued, 'And how's the hired hand?'

    Without hesitating, Tom said, 'She's pregnant too.'

  10. #1210
    Super Tenerifian Tshirt's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2013
    Gender:
    Location
    Oldham
    Posts
    4,443

    Re: Tenerife Forum joke thread: Post all your jokes here

    WARMING!!!
    If youse gets a link called 'free porn' dont opin it?!!#*
    It is a birus wich deactivate you spellcheck and garblis up you riting. I also receibed it but lukily I dont does porn so I dint opin it.
    Warn al1 you vriends!!
    Ted

Page 121 of 130 FirstFirst ... 2171111119120121122123 ... LastLast

Tags for this Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

POSTS ON TENERIFE FORUM ARE NOT ACTIVELY MONITORED

Please click the "Report Post" button under any post which may breach our terms of use.